Letter to my Son

Yesterday, my son got his UAI a day after he received his HSC results. Though Arvic usually shows his composed and calm demeanour, I could feel his growing anxiousness as he woke up that day. His exuberance finally showed in his voice when he called me up in my office to inform me that he got an excellent result.

I could hear in the background that my wife was literally screaming in delight on his result that her voice sounded like an alien who has just tasted her first scoop of ice cream. At my desk in the office, I smelt a breeze of fresh air past over me and felt serenity in my heart as I thank God for answering me and my wife’s prayers.

Today, as I sat down on my desk thinking and deciding what could a proud father give to a well-deserved son on his recent achievement, an email from Sis Cate Bachar popped up on my Lotus Notes email congratulating Arvic…what caught my attention was a part of her message in this proverbial idiom, to wit…”a well deserved result for a young man with the world as his oyster…”.Wow! that is exactly what me and my wife wanted to say to Arvic – that practically, the world awaits him and that whatever he does he can do just as long as he strives for it.

Well, I decided to write a letter to my son. It’s my way of expressing my thoughts to a young man who is so special and close to me and yet sometimes so unreachable.

Dear Son,

I still vividly remember the day 11 years ago when you were in second grade that I virtually threw the contents of your school bag outside the door in our house in Tagbilaran City in a fit of anger because you failed to finish your schoolwork, you did not submit your yesterday’s homework and you had to pee in your pants at school. I recall staring at you in your face with that hurt and pained look staring back at me begging for mercy and pardon (the same look I got from your younger brother Lorenz nowadays…). Sometimes, I still feel that incident and all other rage and quick temper moments I’ve revealed of myself was maybe a bit too harsh for you. But looking at you now, surviving me for all those years and still able to be your own man somehow justifies my actions…isn’t it?

Well, everyday of my life and especially your’s mom’s life, we were always there for you…training you...taking care of you…disciplining you…guiding and guarding and sometimes to point nagging you so you could be the person we wanted you to be and at the same time have the independent mind to be what you wanted to be.

There are so many things that I want to tell you. Now that you are an adult and you have achieved a considerable measure of success, there are things that you will have to come to terms with and as sad as this may seem, you will have to come to terms with these - the frustrations, the disappointments and the painful realities of life.

First, I would like to apologize that my generation has not been able to collectively make things any better for you and your siblings. Sure, me and your mom may have been able to provide more in terms of material things and comfort - your daily allowance in the last 12 months was more than what I got for a whole year (In pesos) during my time and you have been able to wear more trendy clothes and had the conveniences of unlimited used of the internet and computers, but I know deep in my heart that we have also failed you in many respects. I feel sad for example that you my children has been unable to experience the absolute wonder of climbing trees and chasing butterflies and fireflies, nor the excitement of walking along picturesque places back home in the Philippines because we have to migrate here in Australia to seek the proverbial greener pasture. I could have fought and worked harder to preserve the soul of our race as a people and stay in our homeland so you could grow and live in your country enjoying the legacies that our forefathers painstakingly built with their bare hands.

You are a generation with very few real role models and it pains me to realize that you’ll eventually not know who Claro M. Recto is, or even Raul Manglapus or Jose Diokno. It embarrasses me no end that we have taught you respect and citizenship as theoretical constructs, rather than by example and yet the first one to abandon it. It pains me to realize that you are coming into your own as adults at a time when our leaders back home (and even here) are behaving like children - squabbling and engaging in intolerable screamfests. I am sorry, and I can only hope that you and your generation will do a better job, whether it be here in Australia or you might decide to return to the Philippines.

You may hear me rant about our country, the politics, the weather, the chaos and the noise and how comfortable life here in Australia is…but you don’t know that I’ve always loved our homeland. Life may be a struggle there, but you can see that behind that struggle and daily confusion of life…there is passion…there is fervent hope, and there is laughter. Australia may offer the opposite in terms of standard of living, but I could see most of this generation living here having no fire in their hearts, no fervent hope to make life, in general, be better for the future generation or make a stamp of contribution to humanity. The majority of young people nowadays have floated in the sea of mediocrity and have contented themselves to earn a living, enjoy weekends, raise a family and so on and so forth…and eventually die of old age.

Despite our many shortcomings as parents, there are also a number of things that I am proud of about my generation and I hope that you can build on these. Me and other Filipinos who have migrated in different lands cannot and would not forget the Filipino spirit…the humility, the industriousness, the excellence and the christian values that we fought so hard to restore the dignity of man.

We also tried our darnest to make your lives better and many among us had to suffer the loneliness of working with people with a strange culture and just so you can have that new gadget you wanted for Christmas or that cellphone that gave you license to belong. I personally wished I could have been with you during your puberty years when I have to travel constantly and have to allocate my time to your other siblings. But I’m also glad that you learned to play the guitar on your own as I’ve learned to play it on my own during my time. But I as a techie I have left you figuring out how to burn copies of pirated movies and mp3s. But I had a job and couldn’t be home in time even just to ruffle your hair while you struggled with that calculus assignment. I know that I would have to pay dearly for spoiling you a little with material things to make up for the guilt. But I take comfort in the fact that we share the same blood, and that must account for something. I know that in time good intentions will bear us out.

I want you to know that I am so very proud of you - of what you have made of yourself so far, notwithstanding the way I sometimes bungled up my roles as parent and role model…but not your mother because she is an angel and she has to contend with the devil in me.

I am amazed at the intelligence, the resourcefulness, the pragmatism that you have shown. I look at the way you construct your essays in ancient history and how you were able to answer Jeopardy IQ questions far behind I could remember. I take immense pleasure in realizing that you have learned how to take care of baby Joseph on your own and without qualms. I take great pleasure in realizing that you could figure out the many ways to optimize the features of your cellphone and weave your way thru various RPG and computer strategy games. But most of all, my heart swells with pride when I see how you are able to display affection and pay your respects by kissing to elders even older male members and friends in the CFC community when I myself still feel a little self conscious when I have to beso-beso with them. We come from a generation where showing affection was a sterile gesture and gender roles and rules were a little more strait-laced.

And so, I take comfort in the thought that somehow, the world will go on despite our shortcomings. Because more than anything else, we have taught you how to love; and this we did well.I just hope that You and your generation will truly do a better job.

I pray that you will not commit the same mistakes we have made. The future beckons you, this is your destiny at stake. Grab it. And by the way, take care and remember Dad loves you unconditionally.

Dad