The "Unreal" Christmas

It is a good feeling when we feel we’ve achieved something and somehow everything seems going our way. It is often perceived modern society today demands that we should be successes. We are supposed to be the kind who by our determination or personality make our own destiny and triumph over all that life throws at us so that we succeed and prosper.

You can see that message everywhere. In most Hollywood films, our heroes demonstrate invulnerable perfection and flawless ability. They crash cars at speed, climb out of the wreckage, flick off a few fragments of dust from their suit, straighten their tie and stroll away. They are fluent in whatever language is needed, never fumble in their handling of technology and are always cool and collected. They never mistype web addresses, dial the wrong phone number or forget where they put the car keys. Advertisements in TV and print hammer home the message at a more domestic level: everywhere we see smiling families of happy people in designer clothes enjoying cars and holidays. We ought to be perfect, we need to be a winner and only losers mess up and are often ignored.

This kind of pipe-dream that we can play the game of life with total success peaks around this time - at Christmas. Many of us browse through social media posts of messages that read like some kind of annual review for shareholders in which achievements are played up, successess are highlighted and yet disappointments are minimised and disasters are conveniently omitted. We hear at length of the poster’s successful half marathon or diet plan, the successes of their children at school, their newfound attainment of exotic dish cooking, the bliss of those two weeks on a islands cruise, their delight in their new acquired homes and assets. On reading their achievements we can only feel like life’s underachievers – the ones who just had a mediocre year, nothing to be proud of.

More troubling still is what we might call the ideal  Christmas, the one’s people like to see and imagine patterned after Charles Dicken’s numerous stories of celebrating christmas in literature, is just that - ideal but not real. It has been boosted by innumerable Hallmark Christmas cards, decades of syrupy films and limitless amounts of advertising. Although we recognise it as a cliché, this fantasy view of Christmas is something that many of us have come to believe in and even hope for. It is a Christmas where there is a large room whose walls and bookshelves are decorated with Christmas cards and adornments. At the back of the room, a fire flickers. On one side is a real Christmas tree endowed with colour-coordinating ornaments and twinkling lights, while on the other stands a multicoloured tower of presents. Through the window we can glimpse a gentle snowscape (as if Christmas is only celebrated only the northern hemisphere). In the middle of the room is a table piled high with food and drinks around which an entire family sits, laughing, smiling and joking together.

It has presented that this kind of Christmas has no possibility that anything will be less than perfect. The turkey or ham will be cooked exactly right, barbecues well-done, everybody will like everything , the cat will not scratch the presents, the broadband won’t suddenly give up when we’re Skype’ing our relatives from abroad, and everybody will get exactly the present they wanted. Here in the world of utopian Christmas no one will snap at each other, suffer from stress, flu or have the slightest worry about how, come January, they’re going to pay for it all. And it is with this Christmas we know that there will be that moment late in the evening, when peace has descended, where we will be able to sink into the sofa or at the porch staring at the christmas lights around the neighborhood amidst the cool evening air and rejoice in all that life is for us. And there we may even let our minds drift to all that we will achieve in the New Year because there, too, perfection will reign. But that’s a New Year fantasy.

Unfortunately, there are serious problems with this fanciful view of Christmas. It is not truly real - the most obvious is that to put our faith in it is to almost guarantee disappointment. The reality is inevitably going to be very different. We will probably give someone a gadget they already have, the kids will squabble and whinge on their presents they will get, we will be endlessly reminded that it was us who messed the cake or over-roasted the barbecue or spilled the sauce, and worst and most poignant of all, there may be an empty seat at the dinner table… Life has a habit of puncturing the balloon of perfection.

Yet there is another and more subtle problem with delving into the fantasy on offer at this time of year. The good Lord seems to prefer to work when things aren’t perfect. In a nutshell - God seems to be present in messes more than successes.

Consider the first Christmas. Has it ever struck you that, from the human point of view, Jesus’ birth in Bethlehem was a mess? There’s a bullying tax and census demand from a paranoid king occupying power, an extremely awkward and shameful pregnancy at a time and place when society knew exactly what to do with promiscuous  girls, accommodation so unsophisticated that you were as likely to call the vet as the midwife. And just when everybody present might have thought that things couldn’t get any more undignified than a baby in an animal food feeder, in shuffle a rustic bunch of shepherds complete, presumably, with rural smells and country muck. Yes…the first Christmas was a long, long way from perfection. In fact there’s only one place in the Bible that’s messier than Bethlehem...and that’s the cross in Golgotha.

In reality, the messiness of Bethlehem is no accident. It’s in the messes that God is most able to help us. Perfect people in perfect situations all too easily overlook the fact that they need God. ‘I didn’t come to call the righteous,’ Jesus said, ‘I came to call the sinners.’ He might as well have said, ‘I didn’t come to call those who have got it right, I came to call those who are in a mess.’ Those whose Christmases – and lives – are in disrepair are those most likely to listen to God.
This great turning-everything-upside-down principle of Christmas is actually the heart of the Christmas message. It is in fact announced in the very first chapter of Luke’s Gospel where, in what has become famously as “The Magnificat” Mary sings this of God:

He has shown strength with his arm;
    he has scattered the proud in the thoughts of their hearts.
He has brought down the powerful from their thrones,
    and lifted up the lowly;
he has filled the hungry with good things,
    and sent the rich away empty.

Christmas is a time when the have-nots has a place to rejoice over the have-everythings; when those with flawed lives can find themselves more blessed than those with apparently perfect ones.

I pray and hope you the very best possible Christmas and the best possible new year. May your Christmas tree lights work the first time, your noche-buena food not go to waste, may you get every present right, may this Christmas give you happy memories that will endure for a lifetime, and in the New Year may you get all of what you hope for and none of what you fear. But if things aren’t as perfect as you would like it to be, be comforted by truth that in Christ, God comes to us at Christmas and in the long run it’s no bad thing for events to force us to turn to him. After all, God’s reality is better than the best ‘unreal’ Christmas.

A Blessed Christmas to all.

Fasting is Giving

Last Wednesday ushered the Lenten season this year and I’m still trying to think what I should give up this yearas a form of my fasting. As I started my catholic compendium app on my mobile and listening to today’s reading from Isaiah (Is 58:1-9), I was particularly drawn to the verse where God has put into right perspective the concept of “Fasting”…” Do you call this a fast, a day acceptable to the LORD? This, rather, is the fasting that I wish: releasing those bound unjustly, untying the thongs of the yoke; Setting free the oppressed, breaking every yoke; Sharing your bread with the hungry, sheltering the oppressed and the homeless; Clothing the naked when you see them, and not turning your back on your own.

 

It seems the good Lord is saying that fasting is not only the practice of “giving up” – but also the generic word of “giving”. And that is why you hear the proverbial gospel each Ash Wednesday is about prayer, alms giving and fasting.  All of it undergoes the process of “giving” – give in the need to pray, giving up something you normally enjoy and do give to those in need.

What have I “given” up (or will give up) for Lent?

That's what many Christians - from almost every denomination, and especially Roman Catholics - are asking one another this time of year. The most common thing to forego, I would bet, is some kind of food: soda and chocolate seem to be the Most Favored Sacrifices, with cigarettes and liquor running a close third. Each year, in fact, my wife would suggest to me on Ash Wednesday to tell me what to give up, since she thinks my deciding on my own is too easy. Last year it was my favourite Coca-Cola, which was harder than you might think.

Fasting originated as a way of saving money on food, so that Christians could give it to the poor. It had a practical end: no meat for you meant more money for those who couldn't afford meat. Giving things up also reminds you that you don't always have to give into your appetites. It reminds you of your ability to exert self-control. And it reminds you of the poor, who go without every day, Lent or not. The Dutch spiritual writer and Catholic priest Henri Nouwen summed it up nicely: "For now, it seems that some fasting is the best way to remind myself of the millions who are hungry and to purify my heart and mind for a decision that does not exclude them."

Some people see Lenten sacrifices as another example of religious masochism. But look at it this way: People diet for physical reasons, so why not for spiritual ones? If you spend hours in the gym for a great body why not do something healthy to free your spirit from what St. Ignatius Loyola, the 16th-century founder of the Jesuit Order, called "disordered affections." Often Christians abstain from unhealthy things they've been unsuccessfully trying to avoid all year--like junk food or too much TV.

But this Lent I'd like to suggest not only giving something up, but also doing something.

Specifically, bothering.

In the Gospels, when Jesus of Nazareth condemns people, or points out sin, it's usually not people who are trying hard to avoid sinning, it is people who aren't bothering to love. In the famous parable of the Good Samaritan, in the Gospel of Luke, two men pass by a guy lying by the side of the road, who could certainly use some help. They could help the fellow, but they don't. He rightly points out their sin. Jesus doesn't condemn those who are weak and trying hard; but those who are strong and aren't trying at all. For Jesus, sin is often a failure to bother to love, what theologians used to call a "sin of omission."

But during the weeks before Easter, most Christians during the weeks seem stuck on what they've been trying to avoid for years. A familiar tune is: "I try to stop drinking soft drinks every time Ash Wednesday comes around!" But if Jesus were around today , he might say, "Don't worry about where you're already trying and keep failing. Look at where you're not even bothering."

So this Lent, instead of fasting, why not bother? Instead of a negative Lent, how about a positive one? Instead of giving up chocolate for the umpteenth year in a row, or trying to kick your smoking habit, why not bother to call a friend who's lonely? Instead of turning off your TV, or going to the gym, bother to donate money to the poor in the Philippines through ANCOP. Instead of passing up potato chips, bother to visit a sick relative. Rather than give up tinkering your smartphones, why not fiddle on your rosaries by praying it and appreciate its mysteries.

In the Gospels Jesus says, "It is mercy I desire, not sacrifice." Here's a novel idea for Lent: why not take Jesus at his word?

Walk with our Mother's footsteps

I remember one morning several months back when I saw Joy, my wife, was having a very busy day at home. Of course with many children, every day was hectic. On this particular day, however, she was having trouble doing even routine chores - all because of our 5 year old Joseph. Joseph who has two other young siblings curiously was clinging to Joy that particular morning and was on his mother’s heels no matter where she went. Whenever she stopped to do something and turned back around, she would trip over him. Several times, she patiently suggested fun activities to keep him occupied. “Wouldn’t you like to play outside?” she would ask. But he simply smiled an innocent smile and said, “That’s all right, Mommy. I’d rather be in here with you.” Then he continued to bounce happily along behind her. After stepping on his toes for the fifth time, I heard Joy lose her patience and insisted that he go outside and play with his other siblings. When she asked Joseph why he was acting this way, he looked up at her and said, “Well, Mommy, in scripture class in school my teacher told me to walk in Jesus’ footsteps. But I can’t see Him, so I’m walking in yours.”

“The angel said to (Mary), ‘Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favour with God.’” Today we celebrate the Solemnity of the Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary. This is perhaps one of the more misunderstood feast days in the Church. When we regularly refer to the “Immaculate Conception” many people will explain that this feast is about the fact that Jesus was conceived without sin. Of course, this is not a feast of Jesus, but of the Blessed Mother. It celebrates the fact that Mary, not Jesus, was conceived without sin in the womb of her mother Anne.

So, why is this day so important to us in the Church? Quite simply, it reminds us of what our faith is all about; what the goal of our believing leads us to. A few years back, when our then-8 year old son Lorenz was having his First Reconciliation back in his old school at St Gertrude, I asked him if he was nervous about making his first confession. He said he is a bit worried he would forget what to say but he is also excited. And so I asked him why is he excited about making his first confession. He said boldly and proudly, “Because today, Dad, I get to be sin free.” I get to be sin free. Isn’t that the most wonderful statement!

But, this is exactly what Mary reminds us about today. She reminds us that we all have been invited to be sin-free. Another word for sin-free is holy. We are all called to be holy people; to eliminate those things that distance us from God; to be united with Him. We do this by trying to overcome the sin in our life every day. And, if you're thinking, “I can't do that. That's too difficult,” you're right! We can't be sin-free on our own. And it was the same for Mary. Her sinlessness is not something that she achieved by her own power or merit. Rather, it was a gift from God given to her at the very moment of her conception in the womb of her mother Anne.

That's a good reminder for all of us today. When we are without sin, in a state of grace, or when we are doing better on our road to holiness, it is not an achievement of our own greatness and power - it too is a gift from God. We can overcome our sin - with God's help; and only with God's help. We would do well to be like my son Joseph and follow in the footsteps of our Blessed Mother striving to follow the example of Christ, so perfectly exemplified in her life.

Belief in the Immaculate Conception of Mary is belief in a provident God - a God who provides for the future, who prepares His children for their assigned task in life even before they are born, a God who foresees and equips us with all the natural and supernatural qualities we need to play our assigned role in the drama of human salvation. God does not just throw us into this worldwide wilderness and then leave us to fight it out among ourselves.

Let us today be inspired by the loving Providence of our God and by the example of Mary; let us follow in her footsteps. Let us strive to live a life worthy of the same angelic message that was given to Mary, “Do not be afraid, for you have found favour with God.

Our special prayer today as we celebrate Blessed Mother’s Immaculate Conception is for her to touch and comfort our brothers and sisters in the community who are besieged with physical oppressions due to their illnesses (in particular, sis Rose Perez, sis Baves Ventura and sis Ambay Maquinad). And that God’s providence and healing power would find favour in them.

To wrap up this post on this, the Feast of the Immaculate Conception of Mary, how about some verse that’s a bit more secular. The official story of this “prayer” is that Paul McCartney wrote it about his mom. Let this be our prayer, too to our Blessed mother in the midst of our trials and tribulations.

When I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be…

And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree
There will be an answer, let it be
For though they may be parted, there is still a chance that they will see
There will be an answer, let it be…

And when the night is cloudy there is still a light that shines on me
Shine until tomorrow, let it be
I wake up to the sound of music, Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be…

Whisper words of wisdom, let it be…

Prepare the Way

Prepare the Way

Joy, my wife, once asked how I acquired my skills in creative writing when I was presumably more attuned to technical literature and without benefit of professional training in communication arts. I replied by saying “I grew up in a family with 7 siblings. And to wait for my turn to use the bathroom, I just have to have a handy book for me to read.“

All my young adult life, I have to resort to reading and imagining words come to life while always waiting…waiting…waiting. And when I get to a point to write what’s on my mind, words just flow through and flow in prompting me to get hold of a pen and paper or open up Word and start typing.

We all know what it is like to wait—the anxiety, frustration, impatience, and all. It is not a pleasant experience at all, even though we find it necessary and unavoidable. Long queues, traffic jams, delayed plane departure, late visitors, deferred appointments, postponed events, all these are regular circumstances that make us wait.

An author once said that the most profound source of anxiety in waiting is how long the wait will be. When we are given a timeframe of the doctor’s arrival in, say, thirty minutes, coupled with a definitive assurance that the wait will not be longer than that, the situation could get a positive spin for us compared to when we are simply told that that he is already on his way. Anxiety builds on uncertainty, uncertainty feeds anxiety. It is an endless cycle, of which the only way out is to know the reason for waiting and determine whether it is really worth our wait.

We’ve just past the Second Sunday of Advent and the wait is far from over. Waiting for what? When we are waiting, time becomes very precious. Nobody wants to be kept waiting because it takes away our time, or takes us away from our time. It does not matter what else we want to do with our time, let it just be known that it is ours and ours alone. Waiting shatters all that as it compromises our ownership of time.

Two weeks more and Christmas will be upon us. The joy of anticipation is increasing by the day. There are no delays in this sense, which somehow takes away the elements of uncertainty. Days do not get suspended; nights roll by unhindered. We are in for a ride on a journey that has already become familiar to us. It happened last year and the previous years; it shall happen again this year. There will be variations of course, like the place, people, or circumstances. But the spirit of the season and the essence of the celebration will always be the same. That is, if we ever acquired it and had followed it in the first place.

It is not always true that familiarity breeds contempt. In some situations, it is the familiar that makes us feel secure, assured, and at home. In some situations, too, unfamiliarity is the one which is contemptible. It is the season of Advent, and Christmas is fast approaching. We have been in this situation before. It is familiar to us, making us feel secure, assured, and at home. Trouble is we might not want to get out of our way anymore and be challenged to go beyond the familiar and well-beaten paths.

A voice is crying out in the wilderness, “Prepare the way of the Lord, make straight His path!” the gospel of yesterday says. This is what Advent therefore ought to become: road construction and repair! It sounds strange, but really preparing the Lord’s way and straightening His path means ensuring that He is able to arrive and reach our place. By doing so, we might have to reassess the familiar and consider the unfamiliar.

In a certain village, people are busy preparing for the arrival of a very important person. Without notice, the guest comes a day earlier than expected, catching everyone by surprise. Sensing the embarrassment felt by the simple village folks, the visitor folds up his sleeves and starts sweeping the floor. He then says: “Let me help you in preparing your place for my arrival tomorrow.”

Advent’s waiting is never solitary; our preparation for it is not done on our own. We’ve got company, a familiar one, hopefully. On other days, it is the Lord who waits for us and longs for the moment we return to Him. This time around, let it be our turn to wait for Him and develop ‘fine waiting skills’, so that, just like me during my younger years, we shall also learn, not necessarily to write well, but to prepare His way.

Misconceptions

Tooth extraction, my wife, and the Full Armour of God…

Three three seemingly unrelated things that have been pestering my thoughts for the past several weeks have prodded me to realize how I was led to believe on some false notions I have been carrying over the years – that has now come to haunt me and eventually impacted my life and my faith.

Misconception #1…a Stubborn Mind.

I never liked going to the Dentist. I have this notion of my teeth as being exclusively a very private part of myself and a sacred place of my body and no amount of persuasion from anybody would goad me to have it examined more so extract a part of it especially by a magician who puts metal into your mouth, and pulls coins out of your pocket. But alas, a few weeks back, I had to because my antique dentures broke and I had to go the ‘guy’ for fitting and replacement.

I thought I would have breezed that appointment but to my shock and humiliation – I was told three teeth would have to be pulled-out and a massive clean-up is needed to make my whole dental system serviceable and presentable as Dr. Jerome, my dentist from Blacktown, said in a monotonous tone like that of a news anchor describing the havoc of the tsunami in Japan.

The next two hours in that dental chair was like a mini-exercise in exorcism – the good-natured doctor almost swearing through his teeth how hard my teeth was to pull out and had to repeatedly use a small dental drill to poke around and grind my most precious teeth for it to be extracted. It the midst of this harrowing jaw-juggling experience and as I lay there with my ears pounded by whirring sound of the dental drill, myriad thoughts of my life flashed into me as a youth recalling how often my mother would remind me to take care of my teeth by brushing it always and how I would take it for granted these reminders to a point of ignoring all together her naggings. And how many times in the past I have put alibis to avoid the dreaded dental clinic as if it was just like the plague.

I could only think of many what-if’s and if-only’s in mind while Jerome was mumbling about how difficult this extraction is at that moment. The realization of how stubborn and hard-headed (and hard-toothed) I was (I am) is manifesting itself right now. More often than not, I have this belief that being bull-headed equates to being strong willed and in this dog-eat-dog world – those who are strong and fit will be the only ones who will survive.

How wrong I was believing it. How stupid I was to allow myself to be sucked in that false idea. Now at the mercy of my dentist and in great pain, I realized how weak and hapless I am not only in my physical self but my emotional self. How often I set aside reminders from people who care for me and doggedly respond that nothing is of concern and everything is under control - the feeling that I am strong enough to handle any adversities coming my way. These thoughts could not bring comfort to the position I was at that moment while the dentist keep pounding me with his humdrum words of annoyance.

A verse from the bible suddenly flashed in my thoughts: That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong (2 Cor 12:10). How true is this verse and how fitting it is for me to know that human strength is nothing compared to the grace and mercy that our Lord God gives us to endure difficulties in life as well as teaching us the value of humility and obedience in the midst of distress. How that verse have blasted my self-imposed temerity to be of no value in the eyes of our living God who humbled himself to the Father by dying for us.

Misconception #2…a Question of Trust.

After 23 solid years of marriage with Joy, I tend to consider myself emotionally stable with regards to my relationship with her. Meaning, that stability will be able to endure the green-eyed monster lurking around to tempt me or mock me. Well, in the past few weeks it did taunt me and I had to admit sometimes I had been unwittingly led to a state of doubt of how balance is the state of my emotions is.

I have prodded Joy to work for the Census office for this year’s census since there was an opening within our area for collectors and reviewers. I was hoping it would be a good way for her to break out from the daily routine of being a stay-at-home mum for as far as I can remember.

It indeed made a difference for her.

For the past two months me and my children had to hold fort for her at home during weekends when she had go out and ‘be employed’ for a change. I always marvelled how my wife would always keep herself pleasing and presentable to me even in the middle of daily stress and chaos of raising the kids, minding the house and doing the ever-present household chores. But seeing her dressing up, preparing for work and checking her things and peripherals, I can’t help but admire and be amaze how truly beautiful Joy is - literally and figuratively. How this wisp of a woman I have loved could endured the pain of giving birth to 8 kids, raise and feed them, grapple with a most difficult husband while still had the lending ear and sharing shoulder to listen to other people’s sob and happy stories.

Sometimes I think she’s a descendant of the remaining aliens who they say roamed the earth and built the fabled Atlantis of long ago - for her beauty transcends her physical self and more often than not, people would always like her to be around with them. It is that aura of attractiveness that provoked the hiding green-eyed monster in me – jealousy.

A part of me is genuinely happy seeing her go away for a while from the doldrums of being a mother and a wife. And yet there is a gnawing feeling of insecurity and anxiety every time she steps out of the house. Don’t be mistaken – I truly trust Joy and would never question her love for me but sometimes I feel that way when I don’t see her around and beside me. I really thought should the day comes when Joy starts fluttering her wings of her own career I would be able to handle it graciously. I think, sadly, I may need to work on that bit a little more.

This feeling provides me a mechanism to please her by making our home clean and tidy in her absence and making sure the kids have been attended thoroughly while at the same time preparing meals for her. Her being away for just even a few hours heightened my sense of anticipation to see her come home soon. And all the negative thoughts in me vanishes every time she arrives home with a big hug to me and seeing her big wide smile appreciating that everything at home was in order. I could see her truly happy in this new found, albeit short, diversion. It did not escape from my thoughts that had she not opted to stay at home caring for the family for all our married life and instead had focused on her own chosen pursuits – she would have been more successful than I could ever be.

Looking at her beside me (actually not beside but a meter or so away since the gap was occupied by Caleb, Caiden and Joseph) at night in bed after her day’s work with all the snoring sounds coming out – I can’t resist this feeling of guilt and ashamed of myself for entertaining negative thoughts in my mind about Joy - this human being who have loved me unconditionally, giving up all of herself for me and my children and yet so profoundly strong and lovable. And it that very quiet moment, it hit me. I suddenly felt and have seen a glimpse of the kind love of Jesus has given me the same way Joy has loved me - unequivocally and selflessly with great humility to die on the cross just to save me and the rest of his created humankind who are frail, weak and sinful. The realization that if my wife could have loved a selfish person like me forced to her by destiny how much more for the God who created me - who constantly doubts and questions him. This verse from Proverbs says it all “Trust in the LORD with all your heart; and lean not upon your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct your path.” (Proverbs 3:5-6)

Misconception #3…A Weak faith

Well, if having my teeth being pulled out and missing my wife has been giving me bad dreams. This one has caused me a nightmare.

Being obstinate and a having a questioning mind is one of the recipes of losing one’s faith. And the more it is difficult for me when I should just gone from a euphoric Oceania conference in Manila and just gave a sharing on relying on God’s power that has sustained me (and Joy) in our turbulent years as a struggling family (still is!).

Since we arrived back from the Philippines and in the middle of few prayer meetings and assemblies in our chapter – I felt lethargic and sluggish spiritually. I felt empty and void of passion at many times this past several weeks leading to the 23^rd CFC anniversary. I don’t know what has gotten into me but I didn’t really felt the usual burning in my heart during these prayer meetings. I tried to feel God during worship and praise times – but the effort was futile and instead I just gone thru the whole exercise without any spiritual upliftment to a point that it impressed on me this is a just a pointless and almost-boring activity. I have to bravely put out a face in front of my brothers and sisters just a like a little boy pretending to her parents that he has enjoyed eating his veggie meals but actually abhors it.

Sometimes, in the wee hours of dawn I quietly cry and pray to Him seeking comfort and peace in my heart for sleep escapes me in these supposedly quiet moments. I tried to read some verses in the bible looking for some support to my fledgling conviction but nothing came. I did not at any point open up with Joy for fear of dampening her spirits nor wanted her to worry in the middle of everything she is doing at the moment.

I spoke to bro Alex Bencio about this for I need to someone, spiritually attuned, hoping he could provide guidance. At one point during our conversation he pointed out how he prophesied last year the CFC theme for this year ‘Putting on the Full Armour of God’. That catch phrase has lingered in me as we parted and it finally dawned into me the missing pieces in this puzzle of confusions.

- I have paraded to others to put on the full armour of God and yet I wasn’t truly wearing one. I lost then the belt of Truth.

- I thought I had my breastplate on but I tightened it over too much causing me to become too righteous instead of sowing righteousness.

- The burden of weariness is showing when I render service because I hastily tied my ready boots giving me discomfort rather than a fit shoe for battle

- I used my strong shield of faith to protect from the attacking arrows in front of me but I didn’t watch my open back. The little pricks of pride and ego piercing my defenceless sense of values.

- I fully covered my head fully by a helmet of salvation but it somehow blocked my vision and blinded me not to listen to words of encouragement and wisdom.

- The sword I carried was not sharpened by the spiritual blacksmith allowing the evil one to fight back quickly because it lacked the sharp strength to finish it off.

There lies the danger I had – when I thought I had the full pieces of God’s armour but I didn’t put it on properly or rather hastily, it becomes less useless by an attack from the enemy and instead of being a primary source of defence, it then becomes a burden – Christian service is exhausting; prayer meetings are tiring; tithes are added expenses; spiritual talks are a drag and community activities becomes tediously uniform and monotonous. Everything in my spiritual life seems so banal and trivial.

I can’t believe I am in the middle of a spiritual dryness. How could I be thrown into this lonely and dark valley of my faith? Why and what may have caused this? Maybe I was too proud of proclaiming to be a soldier of Christ and but in reality not a really battle-ready warrior. I thought I’m strong because of the full armour I’m wearing but realized it’s futile unless I’ll don it in accordance to the way it should be worn. I over-prepared for the battle that it drained me and not empowered me. My full armour was not clothed with the power from on High and so I already lost before I could set foot in the field of battle.

And what should I do to rise from this slumber and return to the flowing stream of vibrant faith and loving hope? I don’t know. I decided then to wait in silence and in prayer because the more I exert my effort and be impatient in coming back to the fold, the more it’s difficult to gain the peace and serenity that I desire.

I shall wait upon Him in a spirit of humility, in a spirit of abandonment, with contentment and resignation. Like being prostrate in the mercy of my dentist; Like accepting and trusting my wife as she fulfils her destiny and like a true warrior by subserviently wearing one by one each individual armour God has given me.

As I about to finish this writing this piece, my son Caiden returned my android phone after snatching it from me earlier showing his prowess in using it by pressing my mobile Tune-Wiki and played the acoustic version of the song ‘As the Deer’. I can’t help but smile for it was very apt song for what I’m going through right now... As the deer pants for the water, So my soul longs after You.

You alone are my heart's desire…You alone are my strength, my shield; To You alone may my spirit yield. You alone are my heart's desire, And I long to worship You.

The Year That Was(n't)

A poignant scene in the 2009 animated movie starring Jim Carrey “A Christmas Carol” was when Scrooge went arguing with his nephew Fred on the merits of celebrating Christmas – these exchange of words before Fred left his uncle’s office after failing to invite him to a Christmas dinner goes like this…Scrooge: What reason have you to be merry? You're poor enough. Fred: What reason have you to be so dismal? You're rich enough.

That powerful statement mirrors for me in an oblique way the lesson of this ‘merry’ season, as well as the lessons I’ve learned this year that is about to end – 2010. It reflects our disposition when we act or not react to what has been happening in our lives. Sometimes, our actions are dictated not by the true measure of our self-worth but by ‘feelings’ we have from what we hear and we see around us. We lost track of what is essential – to be contented on what we have and not on gripe on things we don’t have in whatever form it may be i.e. career, family, finance, service, qualification, provision and love.

Of course, it’s not easy to be ‘merry’ when there’s a pile of bills to pay, debts to settle, mortgage repayments to make, broken relationship to mend, children to raise, difficult people to contend with, work to finish up, loneliness to fill, sickness to heal. The difficulty is more pronounced when in the middle of these problems in life is “you” or “me” in it. Imagine these problems happening without ‘you’ or ‘me’ involved. Would that attitude of being worried replaced by apathy; desperation with nonchalance; concern with indifference and unhappiness with contentment?

It suddenly dawned on me a thought that has been surreptitiously swimming in my mind and heart for a while now - That I can still be happy in the midst of these tumultuous problems just as long as “I” removed myself from it and let ‘Him” replace me. Let His plan evolve and not for me to solve. Let me gain His perspective and not my own directive. Let God provide and me to set aside. Let His purpose as my guide for me to abide. It may not be as simple as that…but it is really as simple as that. We lost track of what the main thing is…To keep the main thing the main thing – to let Go and let GOD.

And so to make justice to the title of this essay to parallel the truth of my realization – I’ve made a list of things that this year that ‘was not’ and to highlight what it ‘was’.

In the Homefront…

· - It wasn’t a good year for the company I’m working with – it was a ‘Great’ year as we transformed from a multi-million business to a billion dollar business. What makes it great was the recognition I got that I made a difference – whatever that was.

· -Joy was not keen to be 40, but feel truly blessed that she reached the golden age of where life truly starts.

· -My daughter Alexcie May wasn’t happy with what has happened in her relationships and studies but it gained her a lot of insightful perspective and painful lessons in love and in life.

· -It wasn’t our expectation but baby Caleb came into our lives – we’re now 10 in the family. God added a new blessing to us.

In the CFC Community…

-This year wasn’t a year of local evangelization because we went a step further from our local chapter to missions in Rockhampton, Perth and Solomon Islands.

· -This year wasn’t unproductive for the mums – we were blessed with babies like Gabriela Duque, Abigail Suerte and Caleb Osorio. These bubs confirmed God’s continuous blessings of life.

· -Many plans – our plans – was never realized because God’s plan to bond ourselves in fellowship, mission and prayer has dominated our service and commitment to the community.

· -It wasn’t a good year for many of our brethren who are still sick and ailing in their health. But somehow – their lives has changed and transformed us to be steadfast and persevering as they are and cling to the the Hope that God has promised redemption and healing.

· -It wasn’t an idle year in community activities – All of the ministries have two or more activities that made the year as busy as it can be. The stress is equated by the amount of effort you pour in multiplied by the how much time the activity lasted. And it yet it wasn’t even minutely enough compared to the selfless service the creator of the universe has to endure to be humiliated by being nailed to a thieves cross just to save his mere but beloved creatures.

In the Global Arena…

· -It wasn’t a good year in the global financial market. But it was year that exposes the volatility of our economies and the need to balance and control it. Money is not the root of all evils – the love of money is.

· -It wasn’t a good year for famous people gone haywire (the Woods, Gibsons, Lohans, Madoffs etc) due to scandals and public display of their embarrassing lives. It shows how weak and frail they are in spite of their fame and acclaim – echoes of Fred’s words to Scrooge - how these people’s lives are in dismal state despite of their worldly riches.

· -The state of our planet’s climate wasn’t what the meteorologist has expected and predicted. The constant changing of nature’s laws left many suffering from good produce, loss of shelter, physical dislocation, health issues and unpredictable weather. Desert lands became wet sands, spring traverse summers and lakes become barren soils. But it made us realize that despite of the advances in technology and human intelligence – we are still made of simple ash and only reason we still survive and live is God’s enduring love for us.

With all these things happening…what is in store for us in the new year? I don’t know and you may not know? Only He knows. And that what sustains us – our Faith. The truth that inspite of what the world is turning into – if we only put him First and Above all things, life can be as wonderful, good and as exciting as it would and could ever be. We survived for 2010 years – we shall survive and prevail in God’s hands.

And as we celebrate Christ’s birth in the next few hours…let us remember that we should not lost the spirit of expectancy like most of the world has lost the meaning of Christmas. We cannot prepare for an observance. We must prepare for an experience.

A blessed Christmas to all!

The "Mission"

I should have written this piece a week ago but because of the inanities of everyday modern life where changing my 2 year old son's nappies is as complicated and strenuous as building a multi-dimensional data cube from disparate business systems - has somehow started to drain and affect my fleeting euphoria from a spirit-filled experience. And so I have to press myself in writing down my thoughts on an experience I wouldn’t let my memory pass. A personal life-changing encounter comparable to Neil Armstrong's proverbial "One step for a man one giant leap for mankind" epigraph.

Sounds dramatic. Well, drama would be an understatement when me and my wife had just had our first christian evangelical mission for Couples for Christ. Yes, we were part of a mission team from Fairfield chapter to "establish" a relationship and plant the seed of christian community in the idyllic yet beautiful city of Rockhampton in Queensland - a touch of cliche, yes. I double-quoted the word "establish" for the reason that related phrases like build contacts; lay down the foundation; introduce the CFC ethos; set a mark in evangelizing; showed the way and etc. would not be enough to define the fulfillment of our objectives in that almost 3 day soujourn. But personally, I had chosen that word because it had fitted my own realization of what the mission was - it has substantiated my fledgling belief that God has a master plan after all.

That plan is but a page torn out of God's mysterious master strategy to send a ragtag team composed of "missionaries" whose personal life goals, I guess, were intertwined by a common thread of motivation - the need to demonstrate their desire to practice their faith. It may sound superfluous but in essence this is what I felt with my wife and the mission team. Because what greater reason would it be for a team leader to leave his wife who just had a recent surgery; a family to spend a fortune not to enjoy but to serve, a couple whose spiritual journey is as solid as a rock, a couple whose lone daughter is a living witness of their hunger to see where their faith leads; another couple who leverages their service for having a special child; my wife, even though pregnant has to let go of minding her 7 children to join me, who has to contend with working eight days a week just to have both ends meet...all of which are solid affirmation of Matthew's words (16:24-5)... if anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

Found it we did...the meaning of life in service. A mission fraught with so many unknowns but yet filled with unplaced conviction that somehow or something will be accomplished. A mission where value was not for the service we've given and rendered but for the rich experience and confirmation of faith we received. And talking about values - it somehow helped put myself and my outlook in life (including my wife) in a different perspective. The "mission" had provided me a glimpse of what life should be and the way it should be treated. The way we were welcomed in Rockhampton without the fanfare but with openness and humility of the "rocky" people has provided me personally of how true christian relationships should be built on - a sincere quid pro quo partnership based on honesty and love between the people doing the mission and the recipient of the mission.

I believe that the underlying principle in all the chapters in the bible is that living in Christ is a mission - Without it, we won't have anything left in the bible except the covers. A missionary is not a church planter or a soul-winner, a missionary is being Jesus to the world. It is ME being MYSELF to the world, but the key here is that the ME is Christ 'as me,' 'in me' and 'through me'. Being a missionary is allowing Jesus to do whatever it is that Christ has created me to do to my fullest potential in the world.

And we have shown that in the Rockhampton mission, the conviction to stay steadfast inspite of the conflicts in schedule, the time constraints, the unfamiliar territory, the untested ability to compress the talks and so on and forth. God's master plan was unfolding - the game should not be played by our rules of engagement but by the guidance of our coach, the ever primeval Holy Spirit. And we realized, learned and accepted that His plan was not only for us to plant the seed of christian community in that place but also to plant in our hearts the seed of mission and true faithfulness in Him no matter what and no matter when.

Passing thru the scenic place of Hawkesbury river on a train to Newcastle and looking at the tranquil waters slowly weaving its current toward the unknowing rail line, I can't help closing my eyes in absolute peace and seeing the mission team being given the sublime pat on the back by that Being we called God and saying to us...."Job well done".

Start Over

I got this from my old notes back in college...

When you've trusted God and walked his way

When you've felt his hand lead you day by day

But your steps now take you another way ...

Start over.

When you've made your plans and they've gone awry

When you've tried your best and there's no more try

When you've failed yourself and you don't know why ...

Start over.

When you've told your friends what you plan to do

When you've trusted them and they didn't come through

And you're all alone and it's up to you ...

Start over.

When you've failed your kids and they're grown and gone

When you've done your best but it's turned out wrong

And now your grandchildren come along ...

Start over.

When you've prayed to God so you'll know his will

When you've prayed and prayed and you don't know still ...

When you want to stop cause you've had your fill ...

Start over.

When you think you're finished and want to quit

When you've bottomed out in life's deepest pit

When you've tried and tried to get out of it ...

Start over.

When the year has been long and successes few

When December comes and you're feeling blue

God gives a January just for you ...

Start over.

Starting over means "Victories Won"

Starting over means "A Race Well Run"

Starting over means "God's Will Done"

Don't just sit there ............ ..

START OVER

IT's CHRISTMAS!

As I sat staring at the luminous lcd monitor at work I suddenly felt the urge to write…

It’s been a while since I had my last piece of creative prose and today, the gnawing feeling to put down my thoughts makes me feel like a boy ready to burst as he rushes to a nearby toilet room. You can just lost touch of everybody and everything around you as you dash and anticipate the glorious relief of liberation.

I suddenly realized that the ‘boy rushing to the toilet’ analogy has characterized my lifestyle this year. A year fraught with last minute, beat the buzzer, neck to neck and photo finish situations where I just had to stretch myself and hold on to holding on.

In fact, my state of being stressed to the limit manifests itself when I’m in a toilet - I had flush it while I’m still discharging myself so I could save the precious seconds in flushing it afterwards…just plain crazy.

The year is almost over and looking back to the events what went through the year made me realize how fortunate (or say how blessed) I am to have emotionally survived the relentless barrage and juggling demands of work, community and family in the midst of sleepless nights and engaging days. The never ending commitment to be there and everywhere.

Sometimes I entertain myself with selfish thoughts that I always toy around when I face (dis)stressful times….

…How I wish my wife and I were back in 1988 holding hands walking around Fort San Pedro enjoying the scenery rather than holding at the steering wheel as we drive and rush along and merely passing by the scenery to be there for a scheduled activity.

…How I wish my eldest son Arvic was still 4 years old listening to my crazy stories while in bed and not the 21 year-old young man commenting on my crazy behavior.

…How I wish I still have my daughters arguing with each other who would I hug and carry around first in my arms rather than argue with me about their boyfriends.

…How I wish I could hide in my room and read the intriguiging novels of the day rather than engage myself with difficult people with different personalities.

…How I wish Life would just simply pass by quietly away from the turmoil and complications of today.

But again, it is that aggressive activity that makes life exciting and worth living.

How fitting it is as I read the Psalm reading for today and take comfort from the verses (PS 1:1-2,3,4,6) - those who follow you Lord, will have the light of life. There and then I know and I believe holds the key to everything that will put sense and meaning to the volatile and myriad entity I called Life.

And as Christmas is fast (rushing again!) approaching, there is but one way to celebrate it every year – a period to allow ourselves to be still, pause and listen to what God has been saying to us for more than 2000 years - Matthew 3:17: This is my beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased. The statement broadly means that only thru his Son, Jesus Christ, and by following Him, God’s grace and light would be upon us.

No ardous task is insourmountable…

No difficult situation is tricky to overcome…

No broken relationship is strenous to mend…

No tight finances is tough to manage…

No grave sickness is easy to give up…

No stubborn soul is challenging to save…

As long as….

You lift up to Him or lay it before before the little Child in a manger who has to come down from His mighty perch to be among us and be with us frail humans - God’s image and likeness but besieged with weaknesses of pride, envy, greed and anger. It is ONLY through him that we could ever counter these sins with virtues he has graced us – faith, hope, charity, prudence and temperance.

With these thoughts finally sinking into my mind (and my heart)…I felt a deep comfort despite and inspite of the pile of papers on my desk, the ever growing bills to pay, the stress of raising and leading a big family, the demanding role to support and lead couples (with more or less the same situation in life but with varying degrees of mindset and outlook…which makes it more difficult!).

Now, I can celebrate christmas truly with the right disposition…knowing that somewhere up there a relieved God has just removed a very tiny thorn that has been pricking at his foot for a while now.

Have a blessed season….

Follow Through...

Today, I’ll break away from my self-imposed mandate to suspend myself in updating this blog because it makes no sense yielding myself to insanity. I earlier thought that writing my thoughts online makes no sense because you’ll end up with the Catch 22 syndrome, a no-win dilemna  or paradox, similar to damned if I do, damned if I don’t. You see, here is my predicament…“I can’t write a blog unless I have a time for myself, but I can’t have a time for myself unless a write a blog.

It just makes me insane…

Well, I’ve just thrown out my self-imposition to the window and I’m here back to my old self. Doing what I love most…writing (actually only third in the line after loving God and loving my family).

Yesterday, my daughter Leanne informed me as a matter-of-factly that she got a well deserved 92+ UAI after her HSC. She asked me then if I was happy with the result. Gosh, I looked at my lovely daughter incredulously as she were an alien from outer space and replied in two words “Are you?” Of course, I know she was but before she can come up with a reply, I quickly revealed to her that have I been a father who had her tutored to every single lesson in high-school or who demanded academic excellence like a drill sargeant barking at recruits at Westpoint then I wouldn’t be happy at all with the result. But I’m not that father.

I told her, that as a father, and she can confirm it from experience, I only exact three things from my children…be true to yourself,  believe in yourself and let God  lead you to what you want in life. And all other things you would desire would just follow and flow through in you. (Easy to write that, but I was stuttering when I told that to my daughter).

I proceeded (again as usual!)  with litanies of past life experiences where in the midst of adversities  and challenges, I was able to shine through it all not entirely because of my skills and intelligence. But because I made the choice of believing I can and I ask ed God to give me the grace to accept what fate and destiny would provide me.

Having achieved a certain grade or mark in your endeavors is relative to the effort and sacrifice you’ve made to attain that goal and most importantly what you’ve learned through that whole process in preparing for HSC.

Joy and I, for one, are truly happy for our daughter Leanne. She had to overcome the sensitive issue of being a newly arrived migrant, the exigency to belong, the oppressions of being a sister to six siblings, the pressure to follow the achievement made by  her elder brother and of course the complications of having her first boyfriend. For us, having to overcome these ‘inconveniences’ is an achievement far greater in stature than the HSC/UAI marks she got. Life is like that, the journey is the essence and not only the destination.

I told her Leanne then that this is a start of more journies she had go through and many crossroads and intersections she would encounter to test her faith in herself and God that sometimes she may be tempted the make shortcuts and lose herself in the process.

The greater challenge for her and for each on us, as christians, is along the lines that Ralph Waldo Emerson has once said… Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail (for others to follow) 

Father's Day

Yesterday,  the people of the Land Down under celebrated its Father's day. Australia and NZ has set up a different day to remember all fathers as against other countries in the world, and it is usually the first sunday of September.

Anyway, nothing much happened at home for me...yet everything I've always desired to be on a Father's day have come to pass. Joy my wife, has fashioned out two delicious cakes for me and the family. All my children woke up early than usual on a weekend (8 am instead of 11 am) and over breakfast swapped and bantered humorous stories, jokes and whatever Comedy Channel can come up with...they had a version. The gags  stretched till lunctime in the midst of weekend household cleaning chores and child-minding. The noise in the house reverbated with boisteroous laughter and frenzied exchange of hilarious stories and tales from the family's past and future expectations.

Because of the early and hyperactive activity we had that morning, all of us had a quiet and peaceful nap in the afternoon. After peeking into each of my childrens room and saw all of them soundly asleep - the silence and solitude of our home and a gentle breeze of cool air in a late and warm afternoon somehow overwhelmed me with peace and serenity I haven't felt for a while. During that still moment I prayed and thanked God for this wonderful blessing of life and family. 

I wouldn't exchange that few minutes of heavenly peace, silence and serenity I felt with any promotions, material wealth, recognition or any worldly lure of this world. I have what many people in the world didn't have - a  wonderful wife, a warm and adoring children - a family that defines LOVE as both a subject and a predicate.

My family gifted me yesterday with things without having spent a single cent...Joy cooked me my favorite food, Arvic hugged me when I woke up, Joylene scripted a comic style card with anecdotes, Lorenz gave me a handwritten card, May tried her best to shut her mouth up, the two little ones gave me their best smiles and lastly, Leanne, wrote me a letter that made me misty-eyed for few minutes...read on...

Dear Dad,  

      I am sitting here tonight with my laptop; contemplating on ways on how I can express my heartfelt gratitude to you as being the world’s number one dad as best as I can. As much as I want to buy you that coffee machine you always adore or another gizmo gadget containing how many God knows what gigabytes; I’m currently unemployed and only have few pennies in my pocket. Yet it doesn’t mean that I could not express my deep gratitude for you. After all, I know you’d rather opt to choose Lorenz’s handwritten card that he would painstakingly draw for you than gushing over a new coffee machine. So I guess my Father’s Day gift for 2008 would be through this prose coming from the deep recesses of my heart and memories.

      For eighteen years; I have seen different types of dads everywhere and I can tell you; no one would ever equate or be better as you. You gave up your youth; you gave up your idealistic dreams and goals for yourself and decided to take on the responsibility to be the father of my mummy’s child. I can tell you now, that it was a brave decision for you to do it. Mum always told me that it was a mistake for both of you to settle together way too early. Yet she always stresses that you have tried your best to stand firm on your decision and continue to fight on even when the tides of hardships and struggles would try to sweep you away. You always reassure us that everything will be fine and you have everything under control. I truly salute you for that and I am forever indebted.

      But Dad, for the last few years; I am starting to see the struggles beyond the creases of your forehead and I realise that you too can be futile and weak at times. Your strength and courage sometimes makes me forget that you are still human too and you have flaws; frustrations and weaknesses too. Sometimes, I shake my head and try to tolerate your moods; your obsessive penchants over time and punctuality and your high levels of stress. I can understand that for it is not easy to handle seven kids with distinctive personalities. It is not easy for you to be a breadwinner of eight people living in a foreign land; away from your parents and the rest of your family. Yet despite of your flaws; you seemed to look perfect and in control most of the times. You try to correct your errs; improve on your skills; mend broken pieces as possible; putting up our own flaws and misdemeanours and try to be patient. Slowly I realise that being a dad for seven kids is very arduous. Yet you strive to be the best dad by providing us the best of many worlds to us. Whenever I feel down and feeling lost at sea; I would stop and think about you and mum.  Both of you have sacrificed and endured a lot of painful realities of life that I would never experience in my own lifetime. I am truly thankful for that for eternity. 532 words is not enough for me to express my heartfelt appreciation for all the things you have done for me in the last eighteen years. I hope this piece of letter would still remind you that I love you dad and no one can replace that love and inspiration; regardless of how much salary I would earn in the future or how many boyfriends I would have.( heheheh) You’re still my number one man. 

HAPPY FATHERS DAY DAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WE LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT!! 

Driving Lessons

As I was lying in a hospital bed beside my sick son, Joseph, I felt a sense of peace and solitude I haven't experienced for a long time. 18 hours ago, my near panicking wife and I bitterly argued whether to bring Joseph to the hospital or not. My wife adamantly wanted to bring him immediately and I, the stubborn mule, was against it arguing to wait for my son to let his rackety tack coughing subside at the same time trying to avoid the stress and burden of a hospital stay.

I finally relented to my wife's wish, after I silently prayed to God for help and discernment. As usual, my wife was right – my son had mild pneumonia with asthma complications and it was the right thing to do, as the doctors said, to have brought him to the emergency immediately.

I felt so ashamed of myself risking my son's health and life because of my stubborn attitude. I was not listening to God when Joy and I were praying over to him. In that brief moment of time, I succumbed to the temptation of the flesh and selfishness and did not rest my faith in Him. I failed the values I preached to others – I failed to let go and let God guide my decisions.

Now as I look at my son peacefully sleeping, I had to kneel down beside him and silently asked forgiveness to this beautiful boy of mine. I cried and after that I felt a sense of peace and comfort embracing me at that moment. God was touching me, reminding me not to worry and quitely admonishing me.

That moment gave me some thoughts and reflection on how we (as Christians) deal with stressful situations and difficulties we have in life. We tend to, first and foremost, rely on our human capacities to solve problems and resolve struggles and oppressions we run into each day. We forgot (unconsciously or consciously) to pray first and ask God for help.

Think about it, if our life is like a car, where would be God in this car of our lives?

Some of us would put God in the boot of our car. Where you will only pull him out during Sunday happy hour or religious event (like Christmas or Easter), display him, and afterwards stuff him back on the boot.

Some of us would put him in the backseat of our car – visible on our rear view mirror while we drive towards our destination. We make him only a passenger we can talk to, keeping us company so as not to bore the driving trip. A few those, put him in the front of the car, yet still a passenger.

Now many would argue that God is driving the car of their life. If that is so, the next question would be, where are you in that car? Some of us (like me, I guess), even though God is driving the car, are backseat drivers. We argue and squabble with Him on the route we choose to go. At a roundabout, God would try to turn right to the street of Forgiveness and we bicker with Him and tell Him to drive into the road to Hate and Selfishness. At the next traffic light, God would slow down to the lane of Humilty and we'd rather tell him to go straight ahead to the avenue of Pride.

We always fail to let Him drive our car by His will on the best way he knows. We'd rather think, our route and our way is best for us. And still, because of our stubbornness, when we are lost along the way or encounter 'car accidents' in our life, we blame Him for his driving ways.

Come to think of it, we never let him lead us the way. When we started renewing ourselves with our Christian faith, we are just like the 'L' learner drivers – God the instructor is guiding, teaching, inculcating in us the right and the best to drive. And once we get our 'P's (sometimes equals to Pride), we forget about them displaying to the whole world our hard-earned driving skills.

What happened a few days back is a bitter lesson for me – that not to depend on me and always let God drive and guide my decisions – for he is and will always be…The Way, the Truth and the Life.