Prejudice and bigotry exists in various forms. My wife and I have been at the receiving end of it many times particularly when they find out that I have a bunch of children (six and another upcoming). The negative reactions (disdain, ridicule, jeer, tease, scoff, deride) are far more winning than the positive ones (amazed, pleased, glad, approving).
My wife would often blush and confess to me that sometimes she feels embarrass of other people's reaction after knowing that we have a large family. More often than not, I'd always tell her not to mind what other people say and comfort her that inspite of being a big family - we are actually a happy one at that.
I have nothing against small families. In fact, I sometimes envy them.
But what really spikes my gall is when people ridicule those who have more than six children like me telling us how difficult and miserable parents we are to have to raise this many children. Amusing to note is that I get this comments from people who can't even discipline their only child, works two jobs and pays support for his/her divorced partner. Go figure.
Give me names of a small family who is comfortable and happy and I will give you twice a name of a big family who are equally happy and successfull.
I, myself came from a big family (seven children) and looking back at those times and comparing it now that I have to raise eventually another seven personalities - I can honestly say that me and my wife have learned a lot from life around a big family dinner table than we could ever learn from the outside world.
I came to know and realize that....
- Children learned that what it means have to wait and share (8 people + 1 bathroom = learning to give/receive graciously)
- Children from large families learn to adapt, to deal with annoying 'co-workers', and to negotiate because the feedback is immediate and right to the point--without costing them their job. All are necessary skills for a successful adult life. Yes there are small families who learn these same skills, but it is easier in a small family to keep your bad habits. There's more space to 'go-away' and hide with fewer people to be accountable to.
- I also see - in general - parents more surrendered to being parents and less distracted by running after their own fulfillment. I actually believe that's as it should be. Part of good parenting demands self-sacrifice.
- I think it's really a matter of the parents' priorities than the number of children. In fact, I think most thoughtful parents will make more of an effort when there are more children.
- It's not in the quantity but in the quality. Kids are not expensive. Lifestyles are expensive.
- It is so comforting for a member of a large brood to come home from school and share the joys and the burdens of his/her to younger siblings who ran to greet him/her at the door--his own fan club if you will.
- We parents are often spread thinner than what we want, but we are more able and aware of what children are and what they need so that we can relate to them better.
- The more children we have the more love we have to give, the greater our capacity to love becomes.
- The cacophony of noise from six children is somehow offsetted by the boisterous laughter no comedy show could match.
Again, this piece is not about comparing small families to big families. You may agree or disagree but this is my blog, not yours.
This is a post about our joyous experience having a big family and a response to those who ridicule us, especially my wife for having such. As of this writing, my wife is on her 4th month of pregnancy to our seventh child. And I know that when that baby arrives five months from now there will be 12 arms outstretched, ready to feel the warm squirm of our new blessing. The baby will be kissed by his/her siblings, admired, talked-to, fussed over, adored.
What a lucky baby! I'd rather be born into a home bursting at the seams with love than sterile silence. What a privilege for my other children to see and know they were welcomed just as joyfully. They received the love, now they pass it on to one who is tender and small, fragile in comparison to themselves.
Which reminds me to buy two large-size family pizzas when I go home.....
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