Things I learned (and realized) from the KFC Father and Son bond camp.
* I'm getting old.
I used to run or walk a mile or so and climb the tallest trees in our neighborhood without any loss of breath nor
any pain in my back or legs. But the weekend camp has shown me that I could only do a quarter of these physical
activities with a lot of huffing and puffing. The solution then is to keep myself physicall fit.
* My son is smarter than I am when I was at his age.
My own dad scares me with his eerie stories at night. My son is just amused with my stories and comments that
it's only a work of fiction, exactly those words. I could never ask the questions to my own father the same
questions that were required by the camp coordinators for our sons to ask from their father. Questions like
"What is your most embarrasing moment?" or "What is your favorite toy when you were young" or "Who is you
best friend then". Because if I did, I would only get a blank stare or would just be told to go to my room and study
my lessons. I could not ask WHY I couldn't ask in the same breathe my son could ask WHY is my answer so and
so.
* Nurture and nature plays an important role in a person's character.
I am by nature a fun-loving and boisterous person but I was nurtured in a home where competition is froth
about and strict discipline imposed that sometimes "failure" leads to criticism and rebuke which will make you
hide inside your shell rather than go out of it. And that is why sometimes I display a moody personality creating
a pendulum between my natural self and my restrained temperament.
Lorenz failed to do the wall climbing activity and that night on the tent, he honestly told me he tried to be strong
but he had this fear of falling. He said he cried not because of his fear, nor the pain but because he was
embarrassed he failed. He was hoping that he could be like me, fearless, strong and competetive. But I told him,
don't try to be like me, be yourself and told him that the important thing is be gracious in defeat, be modest in
triumph and treat others the same way you would like others to treat you.
With my son Lorenz, as well as my other children, I nurture them by creating an environment that considers
"failure" an option and an opportunity to learn from it. Obviously, their good-natured character comes from their
mom and their competitive streak from me.
* I don't necessarily need a father and son camp to bond with our children.
I asked myself before the camp why I am not excited with the prospect of having that bond camp. Everyday, I
equally share a bond to each of my current six children that sometimes I bond with them more than I could bond
with my inner self. Lorenz, in fact, is excited not with the time he would be spending with me but with the
prospect of camping that he hasn't experience before.
Having said that, the biggest lesson I've learned from that camp is that a father and son bonding grabs a big part of the male specie's psyche that they would sacrifice their time, their luxuries and their wives(?) to be with a person who could be like them, a person who could be what they wanted to be but failed to do so or be that person who could pass on the legacy that their forefathers have passed on to them.
But most especially, you see it manifest by other male species who have worked hard, rendered the service to make this bonding possible. I salute the KFC coordinators for coming up with this effort. You've touched our lives and I'm personally thankful to all of you for that.
Monday, April 23, 2007
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
A Tragedy
My prayers for the souls of those students and professors who were massacred by a lone gunman, Cho Seung-Hui in a Virginia Tech university in the U.S. So sad for those innocent people to die in the hands of a troubled young man described my his peers and professor as a loner, anti-social and a senior English student who writes grotesque plays and creative but morbid writings.
I can never fathom or conceive any reason why a person can commit a murder rampage to fellow human beings and then kill himself afterwards. The devil might have really tightened his reigns on him.
In a larger sense, the issue is beyond gun-control as what those politically correct advocates would harp about. It is a malaise in a society and culture which has put God and Christian faith at the backseat of human endeavors. And just maybe, the reason that this gruesome tragedy happened is because modern people are more inclined to look at his fellow human being as an object instead as soul that needed to be saved, a person that needed help, a brother that should have been taught the value of life (his and others) and potential friend that needs a shoulder to cry on.
As I grieve with those families who lost their beloved in the murders. I’m also angry, not to the killer, but for the teachers, parents and peers who have known that Cho Seung-Hui was a psychologically troubled teen and tended to ignore him as such. There was no significant move to help him, enlighten, encourage and motivate him. They’d rather leave him alone with his hatred on society or whatever that is in him that led him to kill. The post analysis of him is a typical reaction from a society that seeks answers on the Why’s a person committed an evil act rather than the How’s that would help to prevent a person to commit one. We are becoming a culture of reactive people rather than a culture of proactive ones.
I can imagine the pain of losing loved ones whose lives were puffed out without sense. But I can also imagine the pain of our Lord as he receives the souls of those who died and the grief He had to endure for losing one to the darkside.
People may die because of choices others make and equally for choices other did not make. It was Cho Seung-Hui choice to kill and it was Society’s choice to ignore him.
Which leads me on a an email message I received today which is quite reflective about the tragedy that happened in Virgina Tech, not so much for the Cho Seung-Hui but for us, society as a whole…..read on.
The LIFEBOAT
Annie was a large, rather unattractive girl.
Actually, Annie was fat.
A member of a youth group, Annie regularly attended most of
the youth functions and Bible studies. During one of those meetings,
the youth leader introduced a situational learning game called, "The
Lifeboat." He instructed the dozen high school kids present to form
their chairs to resemble the seating on a lifeboat. Then he
said, "You twelve are the only survivors of a shipwreck. You have
managed to make it to this lifeboat.
Once you are aboard, however, you find to your horror that there are
only provisions for eleven. Also, the boat can hold only eleven
survivors.
Twelve people will capsize the boat, leaving you all to drown. You
must decide what to do." The group stared blankly at each other for a
few moments before bursting into lively discussion. They decided that
for the good of the majority of the members of the group, one
person must be sacrificed. But who?
As the group discussed who would be left to drown, they eliminated
various individuals perceived to be of value to the survivors. The
strongest and most athletic boys couldn't be sacrificed ¬ their
strength would be needed to row. Naturally, the boys wouldn't think
of letting any of the pretty girls become shark food. Slowly each
individual in the group, with the exception of Annie, was mentioned
and then discarded as a candidate for sacrifice. Some were too
smart, too talented, or too popular.
Finally, Annie, who may not have been attractive but who was
not dumb, blurted out, "I'll jump."
"No, no!" protested the group. But when pressed, they
couldn't think of one good reason why she shouldn't jump ¬ so they
remained silent. When the time to play the game ran out, the group
members announced that they couldn't reach a decision on what to
do. The youth worker went on to teach a lesson using the example of
the lifeboat. But Annie had already learned a lesson. The next day,
Annie jumped. Her youth group had affirmed her worst thought about
herself.
She was of no value. Her "friends" in the youth group were
baffled and deeply saddened by her suicide. After all, she had so
much to live for.
They just couldn't think of what it was.
We rarely look below the surface to see the worth of a person.
Instead, we too often equate a person's value with looks,
popularity, possessions, or abilities. If none of those things is
obvious, then we see no value at all in that individual. But every
human being was created in God's image and is loved by Him. In fact,
He loved us so much that He sent His only Son to sacrifice Himself
for us.
I can never fathom or conceive any reason why a person can commit a murder rampage to fellow human beings and then kill himself afterwards. The devil might have really tightened his reigns on him.
In a larger sense, the issue is beyond gun-control as what those politically correct advocates would harp about. It is a malaise in a society and culture which has put God and Christian faith at the backseat of human endeavors. And just maybe, the reason that this gruesome tragedy happened is because modern people are more inclined to look at his fellow human being as an object instead as soul that needed to be saved, a person that needed help, a brother that should have been taught the value of life (his and others) and potential friend that needs a shoulder to cry on.
As I grieve with those families who lost their beloved in the murders. I’m also angry, not to the killer, but for the teachers, parents and peers who have known that Cho Seung-Hui was a psychologically troubled teen and tended to ignore him as such. There was no significant move to help him, enlighten, encourage and motivate him. They’d rather leave him alone with his hatred on society or whatever that is in him that led him to kill. The post analysis of him is a typical reaction from a society that seeks answers on the Why’s a person committed an evil act rather than the How’s that would help to prevent a person to commit one. We are becoming a culture of reactive people rather than a culture of proactive ones.
I can imagine the pain of losing loved ones whose lives were puffed out without sense. But I can also imagine the pain of our Lord as he receives the souls of those who died and the grief He had to endure for losing one to the darkside.
People may die because of choices others make and equally for choices other did not make. It was Cho Seung-Hui choice to kill and it was Society’s choice to ignore him.
Which leads me on a an email message I received today which is quite reflective about the tragedy that happened in Virgina Tech, not so much for the Cho Seung-Hui but for us, society as a whole…..read on.
The LIFEBOAT
Annie was a large, rather unattractive girl.
Actually, Annie was fat.
A member of a youth group, Annie regularly attended most of
the youth functions and Bible studies. During one of those meetings,
the youth leader introduced a situational learning game called, "The
Lifeboat." He instructed the dozen high school kids present to form
their chairs to resemble the seating on a lifeboat. Then he
said, "You twelve are the only survivors of a shipwreck. You have
managed to make it to this lifeboat.
Once you are aboard, however, you find to your horror that there are
only provisions for eleven. Also, the boat can hold only eleven
survivors.
Twelve people will capsize the boat, leaving you all to drown. You
must decide what to do." The group stared blankly at each other for a
few moments before bursting into lively discussion. They decided that
for the good of the majority of the members of the group, one
person must be sacrificed. But who?
As the group discussed who would be left to drown, they eliminated
various individuals perceived to be of value to the survivors. The
strongest and most athletic boys couldn't be sacrificed ¬ their
strength would be needed to row. Naturally, the boys wouldn't think
of letting any of the pretty girls become shark food. Slowly each
individual in the group, with the exception of Annie, was mentioned
and then discarded as a candidate for sacrifice. Some were too
smart, too talented, or too popular.
Finally, Annie, who may not have been attractive but who was
not dumb, blurted out, "I'll jump."
"No, no!" protested the group. But when pressed, they
couldn't think of one good reason why she shouldn't jump ¬ so they
remained silent. When the time to play the game ran out, the group
members announced that they couldn't reach a decision on what to
do. The youth worker went on to teach a lesson using the example of
the lifeboat. But Annie had already learned a lesson. The next day,
Annie jumped. Her youth group had affirmed her worst thought about
herself.
She was of no value. Her "friends" in the youth group were
baffled and deeply saddened by her suicide. After all, she had so
much to live for.
They just couldn't think of what it was.
We rarely look below the surface to see the worth of a person.
Instead, we too often equate a person's value with looks,
popularity, possessions, or abilities. If none of those things is
obvious, then we see no value at all in that individual. But every
human being was created in God's image and is loved by Him. In fact,
He loved us so much that He sent His only Son to sacrifice Himself
for us.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
The Big Crunch
Prejudice and bigotry exists in various forms. My wife and I have been at the receiving end of it many times particularly when they find out that I have a bunch of children (six and another upcoming). The negative reactions (disdain, ridicule, jeer, tease, scoff, deride) are far more winning than the positive ones (amazed, pleased, glad, approving).
My wife would often blush and confess to me that sometimes she feels embarrass of other people's reaction after knowing that we have a large family. More often than not, I'd always tell her not to mind what other people say and comfort her that inspite of being a big family - we are actually a happy one at that.
I have nothing against small families. In fact, I sometimes envy them.
But what really spikes my gall is when people ridicule those who have more than six children like me telling us how difficult and miserable parents we are to have to raise this many children. Amusing to note is that I get this comments from people who can't even discipline their only child, works two jobs and pays support for his/her divorced partner. Go figure.
Give me names of a small family who is comfortable and happy and I will give you twice a name of a big family who are equally happy and successfull.
I, myself came from a big family (seven children) and looking back at those times and comparing it now that I have to raise eventually another seven personalities - I can honestly say that me and my wife have learned a lot from life around a big family dinner table than we could ever learn from the outside world.
I came to know and realize that....
- Children learned that what it means have to wait and share (8 people + 1 bathroom = learning to give/receive graciously)
- Children from large families learn to adapt, to deal with annoying 'co-workers', and to negotiate because the feedback is immediate and right to the point--without costing them their job. All are necessary skills for a successful adult life. Yes there are small families who learn these same skills, but it is easier in a small family to keep your bad habits. There's more space to 'go-away' and hide with fewer people to be accountable to.
- I also see - in general - parents more surrendered to being parents and less distracted by running after their own fulfillment. I actually believe that's as it should be. Part of good parenting demands self-sacrifice.
- I think it's really a matter of the parents' priorities than the number of children. In fact, I think most thoughtful parents will make more of an effort when there are more children.
- It's not in the quantity but in the quality. Kids are not expensive. Lifestyles are expensive.
- It is so comforting for a member of a large brood to come home from school and share the joys and the burdens of his/her to younger siblings who ran to greet him/her at the door--his own fan club if you will.
- We parents are often spread thinner than what we want, but we are more able and aware of what children are and what they need so that we can relate to them better.
- The more children we have the more love we have to give, the greater our capacity to love becomes.
- The cacophony of noise from six children is somehow offsetted by the boisterous laughter no comedy show could match.
Again, this piece is not about comparing small families to big families. You may agree or disagree but this is my blog, not yours.
This is a post about our joyous experience having a big family and a response to those who ridicule us, especially my wife for having such. As of this writing, my wife is on her 4th month of pregnancy to our seventh child. And I know that when that baby arrives five months from now there will be 12 arms outstretched, ready to feel the warm squirm of our new blessing. The baby will be kissed by his/her siblings, admired, talked-to, fussed over, adored.
What a lucky baby! I'd rather be born into a home bursting at the seams with love than sterile silence. What a privilege for my other children to see and know they were welcomed just as joyfully. They received the love, now they pass it on to one who is tender and small, fragile in comparison to themselves.
Which reminds me to buy two large-size family pizzas when I go home.....
My wife would often blush and confess to me that sometimes she feels embarrass of other people's reaction after knowing that we have a large family. More often than not, I'd always tell her not to mind what other people say and comfort her that inspite of being a big family - we are actually a happy one at that.
I have nothing against small families. In fact, I sometimes envy them.
But what really spikes my gall is when people ridicule those who have more than six children like me telling us how difficult and miserable parents we are to have to raise this many children. Amusing to note is that I get this comments from people who can't even discipline their only child, works two jobs and pays support for his/her divorced partner. Go figure.
Give me names of a small family who is comfortable and happy and I will give you twice a name of a big family who are equally happy and successfull.
I, myself came from a big family (seven children) and looking back at those times and comparing it now that I have to raise eventually another seven personalities - I can honestly say that me and my wife have learned a lot from life around a big family dinner table than we could ever learn from the outside world.
I came to know and realize that....
- Children learned that what it means have to wait and share (8 people + 1 bathroom = learning to give/receive graciously)
- Children from large families learn to adapt, to deal with annoying 'co-workers', and to negotiate because the feedback is immediate and right to the point--without costing them their job. All are necessary skills for a successful adult life. Yes there are small families who learn these same skills, but it is easier in a small family to keep your bad habits. There's more space to 'go-away' and hide with fewer people to be accountable to.
- I also see - in general - parents more surrendered to being parents and less distracted by running after their own fulfillment. I actually believe that's as it should be. Part of good parenting demands self-sacrifice.
- I think it's really a matter of the parents' priorities than the number of children. In fact, I think most thoughtful parents will make more of an effort when there are more children.
- It's not in the quantity but in the quality. Kids are not expensive. Lifestyles are expensive.
- It is so comforting for a member of a large brood to come home from school and share the joys and the burdens of his/her to younger siblings who ran to greet him/her at the door--his own fan club if you will.
- We parents are often spread thinner than what we want, but we are more able and aware of what children are and what they need so that we can relate to them better.
- The more children we have the more love we have to give, the greater our capacity to love becomes.
- The cacophony of noise from six children is somehow offsetted by the boisterous laughter no comedy show could match.
Again, this piece is not about comparing small families to big families. You may agree or disagree but this is my blog, not yours.
This is a post about our joyous experience having a big family and a response to those who ridicule us, especially my wife for having such. As of this writing, my wife is on her 4th month of pregnancy to our seventh child. And I know that when that baby arrives five months from now there will be 12 arms outstretched, ready to feel the warm squirm of our new blessing. The baby will be kissed by his/her siblings, admired, talked-to, fussed over, adored.
What a lucky baby! I'd rather be born into a home bursting at the seams with love than sterile silence. What a privilege for my other children to see and know they were welcomed just as joyfully. They received the love, now they pass it on to one who is tender and small, fragile in comparison to themselves.
Which reminds me to buy two large-size family pizzas when I go home.....
Thursday, April 05, 2007
LENTEN VIEW
As children, we Christians are programmed to “give up” something for Lent. No questions asked, that’s just what you do. Now, I can’t really complain about faithful Christians following tradition that has been in place for generations. But in this practice I can pinpoint the single greatest problem that plagues the common, impressionable man in all structures of belief:
Blind Faith. The practice of doing what you are told to, simply because you are told to.
“Giving up” chocolate or whatever for Lent just because Father Know-how told you to does not, in any way, take advantage of the intellect and free will with which all humans are blessed. It makes you a hamster running around in one of those big creaking wheels just because the man in the white coat promises cheese.
So what exactly do I accomplish by not drinking soda or not staring at my laptop until Lent is over? On the surface, almost nothing. And for the past year or so, I struggled to come up with some explanation to delve a little deeper. This is the best that I’ve done:
The practice of fasting and abstinence during the season of Lent are not a means of torture undertaken lightly or without purpose. The idea is to identify, in some small way, the suffering that Christ endured throughout His life. Be it the 40 days spent being tempted in the desert or His crucifixion or the ridicule and jeer he was subjected to for the duration of His ministry. The sacrifice is made in the name of Jesus, who gave up himself as the “ultimate sacrifice”.
Now that I’ve gotten my sermon out of the way, I’ll apply it to my own Lenten fasts of soda and computers. I seek to accomplish two things: 1) be brought closer to Jesus by feeling even a billionth of the turmoil He felt in His life, and 2) use that sacrifice as a way to view my own vices in an attempt to change my “evil” ways and better myself throughout the year.
In abstaining from soda, I am saving my body of empty calories and pounds of sugar, at the expense of the crisp, refreshing taste of a cold Coke. Because everyone enjoys a good Coke. And my computer, well, that’s a personal thing. I am an information freak and giving up my computer time is exactly the kind of humility I need to endure for Him. It is a simple exercise in will power and fighting temptation.
I hope my perspectives have in some way made you re-think what Lent is all about. If you were considering making a sacrifice, don’t just follow orders. Make it mean something to you, and no one else but God.
And lastly, I would like to share with you below what Lent means to a modern day person - like me...
If we were knives, Lent would be a time to sharpen our cutting edges.
If we were cars, Lent would be time for an oil change and a tune up.
If we were swimming pools, Lent would be time to filter the dirt out of the water.
If we were gardens, Lent would be time to fertilize our soil and dig out our weeds.
If we were carpets, Lent would be a time to get power-cleaned.
If we were VCRs Lent would be time to clean our head and adjust our tracking.
If were were computers, Lent would be time to overhaul our disk drive.
If we were highways, Lent would be time to repair our cracks and fill our chuckholes.
If we were TV sets, Lent would be time to adjust our focus and fine-tuning.
If we were batteries, Lent would be a time to get recharged.
If we were seeds, Lent would be a time germinate and reach for the sun.
Blind Faith. The practice of doing what you are told to, simply because you are told to.
“Giving up” chocolate or whatever for Lent just because Father Know-how told you to does not, in any way, take advantage of the intellect and free will with which all humans are blessed. It makes you a hamster running around in one of those big creaking wheels just because the man in the white coat promises cheese.
So what exactly do I accomplish by not drinking soda or not staring at my laptop until Lent is over? On the surface, almost nothing. And for the past year or so, I struggled to come up with some explanation to delve a little deeper. This is the best that I’ve done:
The practice of fasting and abstinence during the season of Lent are not a means of torture undertaken lightly or without purpose. The idea is to identify, in some small way, the suffering that Christ endured throughout His life. Be it the 40 days spent being tempted in the desert or His crucifixion or the ridicule and jeer he was subjected to for the duration of His ministry. The sacrifice is made in the name of Jesus, who gave up himself as the “ultimate sacrifice”.
Now that I’ve gotten my sermon out of the way, I’ll apply it to my own Lenten fasts of soda and computers. I seek to accomplish two things: 1) be brought closer to Jesus by feeling even a billionth of the turmoil He felt in His life, and 2) use that sacrifice as a way to view my own vices in an attempt to change my “evil” ways and better myself throughout the year.
In abstaining from soda, I am saving my body of empty calories and pounds of sugar, at the expense of the crisp, refreshing taste of a cold Coke. Because everyone enjoys a good Coke. And my computer, well, that’s a personal thing. I am an information freak and giving up my computer time is exactly the kind of humility I need to endure for Him. It is a simple exercise in will power and fighting temptation.
I hope my perspectives have in some way made you re-think what Lent is all about. If you were considering making a sacrifice, don’t just follow orders. Make it mean something to you, and no one else but God.
And lastly, I would like to share with you below what Lent means to a modern day person - like me...
If we were knives, Lent would be a time to sharpen our cutting edges.
If we were cars, Lent would be time for an oil change and a tune up.
If we were swimming pools, Lent would be time to filter the dirt out of the water.
If we were gardens, Lent would be time to fertilize our soil and dig out our weeds.
If we were carpets, Lent would be a time to get power-cleaned.
If we were VCRs Lent would be time to clean our head and adjust our tracking.
If were were computers, Lent would be time to overhaul our disk drive.
If we were highways, Lent would be time to repair our cracks and fill our chuckholes.
If we were TV sets, Lent would be time to adjust our focus and fine-tuning.
If we were batteries, Lent would be a time to get recharged.
If we were seeds, Lent would be a time germinate and reach for the sun.
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