Deadlock

My wife kept on prodding me to write down my thoughts about what is happening to the community we have committed our Christian lives to serve and belong to…The Couples For Christ. I tried to keep my peace and my thoughts only to myself for I generally believe, it doesn’t concern me and doesn’t affect me at all.

Five months ago, I already heard the rumors then, followed by emails from my CFC friends in the Philippines, Canada and the U.S about the rift within the CFC leaders. After a while, blogs and forums were sprouting from here and afar with regards to the situation within the organization. I read them all…and yet, I still feel not attuned with the facts of what is it happening. I should have been, because this is the community that I’ve truly seen and witness God’s work being manifested. But strangely, I felt apathy.

I think the real issue is largely theological and to a certain extent, ideological. CfC is a 26-year old organization and debates over its identity and core mandates should be expected. It has become too big, and history will tell you that there'll tend to be some differences in philosophy in such an organization, and eventually, polarization will set in. This sort of insight may seem trite, but I simply think it's the natural cycle of birth and death (and possible rebirth) of such an organization.

There and then I feel I don't really care if CFC splits up or becomes one again. If it simply dies, it has served its purpose. If it dies and rises from the dead, it will serve its purpose as a different entity. If it runs its course by splitting into two or more entities, well it's not like that never happened before. That's how CFC was born in the first place

Then finally, the news from the media came in and both groups of the organization, CFC IC and CFC-FFL officially announced their parting of ways. So sad, The organization that has been renowned for its resolute commitment to keep marriages intact will soon join the ranks of the separated and divorced. It seems its leaders could not work out the marriage within the ranks; no amount of mediation and counseling have been successful in bringing the warring camps together to resolve their issues. Even the valiant efforts of the bishops have been in vain.

Up to now, I wonder what ever happened to the years of CLPs, teachings, covenant orientations, the one on one’s that should have fortified the spirit of unity, humility, meekness of heart and peace that the personalities involved had undergone and taught others to inculcate in their lives. That thougth kept lingering on me like a gum stucked on the soles my shoes all day long. Trying to remove requires bending over and use all your patience to slowly take it off and in the process keeps you thinking why, how and when it got stucked there in the first place. The same thinking process happens when you read all the ‘facts’, the truths, the half-truths and realities of what is happening in our community…the doubts, the misgivings and the suspicions are starting to creep in.

I won’t dwell on what has happened, it’s all water under the bridge now, as they say. What I want to table now is what would happened to us here members in Australia…where do our obedience (or loyalties) lie? What is in store for us in the future? I’ve started to realized the flaws of my being apathetic is not option…for I see the rippling effects of the division in Manila has brought some unpleasant taste for the leaders here in Australia.

My wife forwarded me an email sent by Bro. Oliver Molina. His email, though his personal views and thesis of what lies ahead for CFC Australia, is reflective of the confusion as well as the dillemna of our present CFC leaders and members as they struggle to find the direction our organizaion is headed to. He has validly laid out the options and the repercussions of each possible scenario if and when the leaders and members finally decide. A very calm and peaceful person, Bro Oliver, in his dissertion, demonstrates how troubled he is and his need to vent his views so that people, like me and you, would come up with our thoughts and put a share of our voice in this crucial phase of our organization.

Read Bro. Oliver Molina's email.

Everyone have their opinions. Everyone have their own sides. But if you are working for God, is it really right to even have a side, when both sides have their own positive intentions? Isn't it just enough to be focused on the service and the mission work and not have sides? Not that easy, I guess…

So,where do I stand, or to put more more succinctly, what side to I intend to join with?

I will defer myself to the wisdom of the majority (the general membership) and I would encourage my brothers and sisters to have their choice heard by the NCA.

But let me put it in the right perspective…The real issue why CFC IC and FFL split up is the differential and idealogical outlook with regards to Gawad Kalinga (GK) no ifs or buts. It is the root cause of the separation. All other differences were borne out of this core issue and differing views were fruits that grew from this root.

And since the leaders (and the groups) cannot agree on this core subject, it doesn’t mean they cannot support it or they couldn’t CO-EXIST (even in separate entities) to support it in one form or another. We may have an autonomous CFC in Australia, or a IC-aligned CFC or still an FFL-aligned CFC membership, but it doesn’t erase the fact that we are heart and soul CFC, mandated to spread God’s name thru service, fellowship,christian role modelling, family upliftment and social work (GK). Whatever the decision of National Council in Australia will be, we should encourage all other members to support it, work within the frames of our mandate and co-exist with other members who may decide to part ways. God’s work should not be bound by organizational structure, it is universal in nature. Mark 9:40 "For he who is not against us is for us.”

I do not see a permanent solution for this quandary we have a the moment. But we could always work out a temporal accomodation for all these problems just as long as it should be done in the position and character of humility, meekness, peace in our hearts and calmness in spirit.

From my scratchy bible recollection, a reading from the St Paul (Ephesians 4:1-6) “I therefore, the prisoner in the Lord, beseech you to walk worthily of the calling where with you were called, with all lowliness and meekness, with long suffering, forbearing one another in love; giving diligence to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body, and one Spirit, even as also you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all, and through all, and in all...” show how we should treat discord and seek unity from so many diverse issues we have today. God’s inspired apostle lays down a micro-platform for unity that concerns the two main sources of discord among those who profess to follow Christ. One has to do with temperament, the other with teaching. The recognition of these two problematic areas could go a long way towards healing division.

Personally, if all is done with and we have separate entities or groups, I will not hesitate to serve any other group, whatever alignment they are with, as long as they continue to spread God’s word by transforming lives and being true witnesses of our catholic faith. I would even divide my tithes and share my donation equally to each of those groups.

I’ve joined this community not for the CFC name, nor the organizational structure. I joined this community for I truly believe this is the place I could insignificantly repay God’s blessings to me and at the same fullfill my heart’s desire that other people would also enjoy His blessings by knowing Him and loving Him.

And maybe, Someone up there is just playing with our faith and just so amused by our actions. Keep the faith and always strive to be happy.

Rejoinder

Here is a rejoinder I made to Bro. Gil when he sent me a comment on my previous blog. As usual, his comments are incising and insightful as he is.

Bro. Gil's Email:

First of all, I would like to thank you for sending me these emails - your personal reflections. I must say I am spiritually touched by them. This latest one struck me most.

I could not agree more to everything you've said. There is however, a lingering question in my mind. "How much of your service is addressing the current pressing problem of our community?"

Like you perhaps, I was 'the' top student when I was in High School minor seminary. Every year I was elected as class president even in absentia.
I was the captain of our varsity team, lead musician of our choir, chairman of various committees, editor in chief of the school paper and senior yearbook, then delivered the valedictory address during the graduation. I'd been very busy. But when my classmates and I moved to major college seminary I chose to relinquish the leadership clandestinely. I will never forget when I had to rig the freshman class presidential election so I will lose against a classmate I would like to 'relieve' me of my duties! To this day I have not told anyone about this except my bestfriend in the class who told me that he could not accept the result of the election as he had made the survey and I should have won in a landslide. His disbelief to my revelation has turned into bitterness as he told me that he felt betrayed.He said he had thrown his unequivocal support for me and attracted a number more only to be told that " I was no longer comfortable to be their leader". I had a long talk with him probably in the same lines as your attached email. He accepted my profused apologies but our class had never been the same again. Whenever our group would experience dissention, failed to get the top recognition or "rise to the next level", I bear the guilt of his accusing eyes. This is the guilt which I'll probably endure for the rest of my mortal life.

I must accept that we all have different circumstances in life. My experience can be far fetched from yours. However, I can only deduce similar results, that is: there will be people who will look upon you for leadership once they sensed it on you. And I do witnessed it on you. When Bro Gani et al. requested you to accept (household/unit?) leadership, I believe they were right. I Believe you have the qualities of a leader. What you may not have at the moment maybe is the HUMILITY to accept this fact (that is if we will use St Therese's definition of humility, i.e. Humility is truth. Once I took the pain of approaching a guitarist to applaud his excellent playing. His reply to me was, "Naku, hindi naman". He may thought he was being humble but to me he was just being plain vain modest - an oxymoron term).

I firmly believe Couples for Christ-Australia, particularly our group, is in its current state and is still contemplating "to rise to the next level", is because we always lack the right leaders that will take us where we need to be. So I restate my question: "How much of your service is addressing this current problem of our community?"
But let not my words persuade you. Let us pray instead for the guidance of the Holy Spirit because I believe that no matter how you refuse, if you're just like Jonah, you will not have a choice ultimately when the Lord calls you for service.

Bringing couples to Christ that will renew the face of the earth - our mission and vision, let us instil this deeper in our hearts and minds.

Yours in Christ, Bro Gil

My response:

I was not expecting a comment from you, but nonetheless, thanks for sharing and I greatly appreciate your thoughts. I would like to reply to your question with the following quotes....

The noblest service comes from nameless hands, And the best servant does his work unseen.

OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES

Not the maker of plans and promises, but rather the one who offers faithful SERVICE in small matters. This is the person who is most likely to achieve what is good and lasting.

Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

To give real SERVICE you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with any standards, and that is sincerity and integrity.

Douglas Adams


In a nutshell, my thoughts of service is not only relegated for the Community. I personally witnessed, long before I joined CFC, how neighbors, friends and even strangers were influenced by the way my family lived the christian values we've been taught to practice. We didn't belong to any community then, no households to lead and no christian fellowship go to. Thus, joining CFC was just a confirmation of that practice.

The pressing problem in the community, as I see it, is not borne out of lack of good leaders. Anybody could be a leader, just motivate them, challenge them, pray for them and show your support and surely they would rise to the occasion. The problem with the community, again as I see it, is the lack of dynamism of the members. We revert back to becoming static after an ecstatic CLP or a spirit-filled praise and worship. We do not keep our momentum because we don't practice the learnings, the values, the truths after those occasions.

Gawad Kalinga, we admit, has become a larger than life ministry of CFC because it keeps its momentum, its focus, its truths and you see the results as they build from one village/house to another. In fact, the World is more aware of Gawad Kalinga than it is aware of CFC. Why? because it has risen to the next level with the help of people who cared, who would spend their time with them, who gave out donations because they see a revealing truth. It is becoming successful not necessarily because of its leaders...but because the genuine concern that its workers have shown and displayed.

What does it have to do with me? I could be good leader...yes. I can be a capable leader...yes. I am ready to become a leader...yes. I am throwing back the question...Would you think that me and the likes of me becoming leaders would address the current problem in our community? I don't think so, because it would be a disservice to the likes of you and the current crop of leaders (who we know are very capable leaders) to think that you failed to address this present problem. You need people like us to brainstorm, to discuss things out but not to Lead.

And that is the premise of my blog...Following the leader - is an action word for us CFC members to do just that, because currently most of us aren't. Not only following the leader also but follow up on the learnings gained after CLP, after any inspirational talk, after any CFC activity. When its members rise to that level, as I believe I and my wife have, then we see people looking up at us a group and they themselves being transformed, being influenced and being evangelized..as what we can see currently with the works the Gawad Kalinga. And you don't need to be a leader to do that.

Just like Luke, the likes of me can chronicle, analyzse, present these things for leaders to be aware of, members to be concerned about and record it for future purposes. And I hope they would listen because we lived, breathe and practice what we preach. And I have already seen the HUMILITY (the TRUTH) as you say and I could comfortably say NO because I know in my heart that God wanted it to be so...not now, not in the near future.

Yours in Faith,

Lorvic

Following the Leader

In the corporate world, there are people who are so-called as business analysts. In the government arena they are called think-tank personnel. In the computing business, systems analysts are their names. The espionage guys call them field agents…and so on and so forth.

These are the people who have immersed themselves and studied the industry where they are in and the results of their work and their deliverables are the stuff that prods their leaders, managers and policy makers to boldy decide what is good for their own respective organization.

These are the people that lives, breathe and practice the trade they have experienced from day one of their lives. The habits and character they accumulated through the years have shaped their lives and their outlook as well as helped shaped and influenced other peoples lives. They are the people who serve the greater whole wholeheartedly by being just there to provide help, offering their advise, sharing their time, develop tactical plans to augment strategic goals. They are the subtle people working in the background..a vital cog which helps drives any group to achieve its goals and mission.

I fancied myself to be one of this kind of people….

This is the realization I got…actually I always tangentially refer to before and after the unit meeting last Saturday with the leaders of the Rael unit’s CFC community. And this is the reason I’ve wanted to express to them (particularly my wife) with regards to their suggestion that I should step up and become a household leader…the ‘real’ reason I’ve declined that ‘offer’ is more personal in nature rather than a performance issue. I really do appreciate the gesture and the value of their appraisal of me with regards to the role…I would if I could, but I can’t, so I wont.

Long before I’ve joined Couples For Christ…I had my share of offers to lead a group, where it be in the neighborhood community we have back in the Philippines or from any group I have the privelege of belonging to. It’s interesting to note that when I was with Coca-Cola for 14 years, I’ve crawled my career way up from a mere casual stores clerk to become the most senior analyst in our group…but never a manager, Though I have 2 colleagues who were just juniors a few years back who did become my boss and the other had been promoted to lead another group. I was never promoted NOT because I was not qualified or just typically bypassed by office politics. I didn’t get the roles because I declined the promotion that was offered to me in the first place…yes...I REFUSED it.

The reason I refused those leadership roles and other opportunities to lead is the same reason I refused the role being suggested by my Brothers and Sisters…because my heart doesn’t desire for it and I know I would be able to contribute my skills and my experience in a position where I am most comfortable and efficient with. Doing something you love with the right tools you have is better than using the same tools in doing something you don’t enjoy doing.

It’s like building a skyscraper…both an architect and a civil engineer generally could be a project manager to lead in building it. But both of them would prefer to contribute their skills in the way they love it..architects designs the building…the engineer sees to it that is built according to the plan. I could be that architect or that engineer, but I could never be that project manager…there are guys who would love to do it (not necessarily an engineer or an architect)…but not me.

I’m inclined to adhere to the Peter’s Principle (as developed by the famous sociologist J.Laurence Peter) which states that..in every Hierarchy, a person tends to rise to his level of incompetence… A person’s incompetence is not necessarily exposed as a result of the higher-ranking position being "more difficult" — it may be simply that the position is different from the position in which the person previously excelled, and thus requires different skills, which the person may not possess. An example used by Peter involves a factory worker whose excellence at his work results in him being promoted into a management position, in which the skills that got him promoted in the first place are no longer of any use.

More so, my perception of a good leader is far from what I have currently in my character and outlook. I don’t have the controlled and Solomonic-like character of Bro. Gani, the spirit-filled St.Paul like personality of Bro. Boyet. The St. Peter like temperament and strong disposition of Bro. Roy. The Elijah type and questioning persona of Bro. Raul nor the ambivalent character of Isaiah in Bro. Edwin. Those five biblical persona were leaders in their time and have had good followers in the spread of the faith.

I’d rather consider myself like Luke, the apostle-writer, never a leader but gained recognition as a chronicler of the lives of Jesus, the apostles and St. Paul. He was the silent companion of St. Paul and his ministry. He preached thru his active work for the poor and care for the sick (he is the patron saint of Physicians). Luke's unique analytical perspective on Jesus can be seen in the six miracles and eighteen parables not found in the other gospels. Luke's is the gospel of the poor and of social justice. It is only in his gospel that we hear the parable of the Good Samaritan. And I could well relate to him in terms of character and outlook…the type of guy who works in the background just like all the people in my first paragraph’s premise.

My wife and I during this Christian Life Program, though physicall drained, are spiritually-fullfilled, when we’ve touched other peoples lives through the service we render to them and to the example we give them. We don’t need to lead others to help them transform their lives. Our actions and the way we live bespeaks for itself. We cannot be sheperds to a flock of sheep but we are part of the good flock that helps gathers the lost sheep or prevents one from getting lost thru the bond of brotherhood and sisterhood.

Our dedication and commitment to this community is part and parcel of our desire to be perfect in HIS eyes. Though we know we can’t achieve that in this lifetime, we know that in the after life, God’s pat on our back is enough for us to feel the perfection we desire for.

And I hope and pray that by this example we have…my children and my children’s children would pave the way for a life worthy of God’s love and grace.

As what Mahatma Gandhi stirringly said… Service which is rendered without joy helps neither the servant nor the served. But all other pleasures and possessions pale into nothingness before service which is rendered in a spirit of joy…

MAYBE...

Maybe God wanted us to meet the wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

Maybe when the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

Maybe the best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

Maybe it is true that we don't know what we have got until we lose it, but it is also true that we don't know what we have been missing until it arrives.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they will love you back. Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart; but if it does not, be content it grew in yours.

It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick them from your dreams and hug them for real.

Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.

Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.

Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you are the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

Hold onto HIM

The month of May is a triple M celebration for my family. For always, we celebrate our daughter May's birthday on the 9th, Mother's day on 2nd Sunday and of course, Marriage or wedding anniversary of me and Joy on the 17th. It made me think twice about this last night and surely, I know, the Lord has a dry sense of humor for making this month a noteworthy one.

Why is this so? Because this charming daughter of mine, bright and spunky as she is, always makes her mother's nerve stretch to its limit on the way she does things and eventually I and Joy would end up having an acid argument over her. That's what makes this month a Memorable one...May...Mother...Marriage.

But this piece is not really about that. Because at the end of that triple M malaise...everything was patched up and was taken under control thru patience and prayer.

Anyway, our current Christian Life program being conducted in Fairfield, where me and my wife has the privelege of serving, is starting to be bombarded with oppressions from the darkside. The evil one is attacking one of the most important facet of our human lives – our Health.
The loved ones of some of our members and our members themselves are being tested with health and medical problems that would prevent them to serve to this important spiritual renewal of the participants – the CLP.

We then ask ourselves – why is this happening? Why did God allow these things to happen? Last night reading some reflections, I rested my eyes in a verse from the Gospel of John 16:33 “"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace." And a sudden realization came to me then....Jesus has just ascended into Heaven, He had survived the pain and became victorious. He then has just impressed on us that we should and must lift our burdens to Him to have the peace and happiness we desire for.

If I live to be a hundred there are some things I will never understand. Why do some people live, and some die? Why do some people have debilitating diseases and others, perfect health? Why do some have loads of money and others struggle to survive? Why do some get caught
and others go free? Why do some people recover and get well, others don't?

Don't we all wonder about these questions? I do, from time to time, and my answer is always the same, "I don't know." I don't know much, and even less the older I get. My list of questions I want to ask when I get to heaven is pretty long.

In this life, there are a lot of mysteries. We will not humanly understand many things. Yet underlying all the unknowns is the one great thing we do know: God is still on His throne. He is still sovereign, still in charge. He knows what is going on. He doesn't just wake up one morning, look down, and say, "Oh my gosh! Look at that!!"

We may not be able to trust in the system, in people, in circumstances or luck. But we can trust in the Lord God. And the promise is that one day, every tear shall be wiped away. Every sickness, every injustice, every heartache.

Jesus said we will surely have troubles here on earth, but to be undaunted and confident because He has overcome the world's power to harm us permanently.

My prayers to those who are in ill-health and suffering in pain, Yolanda Duque, Joseph Benedict Marcelino, Ronald Sapin. Those who are in recovery and complete healing, notably,Rose Perez. The mothers who are carrying a human being inside their wombs, my wife Joy and Barbra Duque. And for all us, especially those who are serving and those who has committed themselves to serve the CLP, that we rest our hopes and faith to that man-God who gave his whole Life to us so we could live with Him and in Him with the Father in Heaven.

Bottom-line, the answer to all these questions really is- hang onto the promise, and hold onto the Lord.

BE STILL

I'm reposting an article made by my sister, Loreen, for Cebu Daily News....

BE STILL

“When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm.
Father, you are King over the flood.
I will be still and know you are God.”

Beautiful worship song I’ve come to love. It tells us to be still. Be quiet. Know there’s a God. But this is not always easy to be so.

In this fast and busy world where you wish there’s more than 24 hours a day to do all what you need to do, to be still and be quiet rarely happen.

Debts to face. Bills to pay. Careers to push. Business to thrive. Children to take care of. Overtime for work. Like what the song is saying, these are the rising oceans, roaring thunders and storms we have everyday. So how can there still be time to be still and be quiet? The strong stresses that there is a God we must know who rules over the chaos of the world.

Sure, you can say that you always know there is God. If so, why won’t you have the time for Him then? The time for the God we know is quiet time…that personal encounter with him where in the stillness of our being, His spirit is. And then He speaks in our hearts. If we listen well, He will always have a special message for us.

The past weeks have been frenzy for me. Making sure those revenues for our business operation is stable everyday commands a great responsibility for me. And all my senses stay alert everyday…mind boggling, eyes straining (we are in the internet business so the computer is a must) and time-consuming hours of work.

I found myself having lesser quiet time and more computer time; more business thinking than spiritual reflections. In prayer, my body will be postured in worship to God but my mind continues to rush here and there.

No wonder that I seem not to be getting the messages I’m asking from God lately. My questions to Him come back to me hollow. One night, I bowed down and pleaded for an answer to a request I was making. Try I did to listen, yet nothing. I was like a full glass of water overflowing with my own thoughts and plans.

And then I gave up. I realized that if I am full, how can God come through my spirit? It was past midnight when I quieted my mind and gave in to the silence around. I emptied myself of the useless blabbering of words and overflowing worldly thoughts. Be still and know there’s a God.

I got a devotional book and guess what greeted my eyes? On the page I flipped open is a story of a certain Mark who wrote a computer program for his office that enables the issuance of certificates complete with picture files. That day the customer line was rather long so it became a huge problem when the program suddenly conked out! He made several hurried prayers to the Lord and continued to find solutions. Fast prayers and panic combined, Mark was suddenly at a loss.

Then suddenly, he felt the need to be still and focus on the Lord in prayer for wisdom. In a few minutes, that wisdom came and his problem was solved. Not through his busy thinking but from simply quieting down and being still.

So you can imagine what went through me when I read that story at that particular moment when I was also in a frenzied state myself over work and schedules. Then I smiled, looked at the cross before me and sighed, “So, this is what you have been trying to tell me, Lord…all this time.”

I had desperately wanted to hear from God, yet my mind continues to be distracted and so busy thinking my own way that I missed His message. This may not yet be the answers to my questions and problems, but God has taught me to focus first on Him by being still; to give Him that moment of silence so He can reveal Himself to me as my God who is over and beyond all problems.

Read again the song in the beginning of this column. It’s actaully not just a song. These are God’s own Words in Psalm 46:11, “…be still and confess that I am God!”

I am writing this article in a special state of silence and stillness. What better topic to write for you than the disposition I’m going through. And what an inspiration it is to also exhort you to make time for the Lord’s entry in your heart. When you feel exhausted, confused, harassed, panicky and pressured, stop…focus on the God that you confess to know…be still …and then you will know He is there…that He is your God after all.

LESSONS LEARNED

Things I learned (and realized) from the KFC Father and Son bond camp.

* I'm getting old.
I used to run or walk a mile or so and climb the tallest trees in our neighborhood without any loss of breath nor
any pain in my back or legs. But the weekend camp has shown me that I could only do a quarter of these physical
activities with a lot of huffing and puffing. The solution then is to keep myself physicall fit.

* My son is smarter than I am when I was at his age.
My own dad scares me with his eerie stories at night. My son is just amused with my stories and comments that
it's only a work of fiction, exactly those words. I could never ask the questions to my own father the same
questions that were required by the camp coordinators for our sons to ask from their father. Questions like
"What is your most embarrasing moment?" or "What is your favorite toy when you were young" or "Who is you
best friend then". Because if I did, I would only get a blank stare or would just be told to go to my room and study
my lessons. I could not ask WHY I couldn't ask in the same breathe my son could ask WHY is my answer so and
so.

* Nurture and nature plays an important role in a person's character.
I am by nature a fun-loving and boisterous person but I was nurtured in a home where competition is froth
about and strict discipline imposed that sometimes "failure" leads to criticism and rebuke which will make you
hide inside your shell rather than go out of it. And that is why sometimes I display a moody personality creating
a pendulum between my natural self and my restrained temperament.

Lorenz failed to do the wall climbing activity and that night on the tent, he honestly told me he tried to be strong
but he had this fear of falling. He said he cried not because of his fear, nor the pain but because he was
embarrassed he failed. He was hoping that he could be like me, fearless, strong and competetive. But I told him,
don't try to be like me, be yourself and told him that the important thing is be gracious in defeat, be modest in
triumph and treat others the same way you would like others to treat you.

With my son Lorenz, as well as my other children, I nurture them by creating an environment that considers
"failure" an option and an opportunity to learn from it. Obviously, their good-natured character comes from their
mom and their competitive streak from me.

* I don't necessarily need a father and son camp to bond with our children.
I asked myself before the camp why I am not excited with the prospect of having that bond camp. Everyday, I
equally share a bond to each of my current six children that sometimes I bond with them more than I could bond
with my inner self. Lorenz, in fact, is excited not with the time he would be spending with me but with the
prospect of camping that he hasn't experience before.

Having said that, the biggest lesson I've learned from that camp is that a father and son bonding grabs a big part of the male specie's psyche that they would sacrifice their time, their luxuries and their wives(?) to be with a person who could be like them, a person who could be what they wanted to be but failed to do so or be that person who could pass on the legacy that their forefathers have passed on to them.

But most especially, you see it manifest by other male species who have worked hard, rendered the service to make this bonding possible. I salute the KFC coordinators for coming up with this effort. You've touched our lives and I'm personally thankful to all of you for that.

A Tragedy

My prayers for the souls of those students and professors who were massacred by a lone gunman, Cho Seung-Hui in a Virginia Tech university in the U.S. So sad for those innocent people to die in the hands of a troubled young man described my his peers and professor as a loner, anti-social and a senior English student who writes grotesque plays and creative but morbid writings.

I can never fathom or conceive any reason why a person can commit a murder rampage to fellow human beings and then kill himself afterwards. The devil might have really tightened his reigns on him.

In a larger sense, the issue is beyond gun-control as what those politically correct advocates would harp about. It is a malaise in a society and culture which has put God and Christian faith at the backseat of human endeavors. And just maybe, the reason that this gruesome tragedy happened is because modern people are more inclined to look at his fellow human being as an object instead as soul that needed to be saved, a person that needed help, a brother that should have been taught the value of life (his and others) and potential friend that needs a shoulder to cry on.

As I grieve with those families who lost their beloved in the murders. I’m also angry, not to the killer, but for the teachers, parents and peers who have known that Cho Seung-Hui was a psychologically troubled teen and tended to ignore him as such. There was no significant move to help him, enlighten, encourage and motivate him. They’d rather leave him alone with his hatred on society or whatever that is in him that led him to kill. The post analysis of him is a typical reaction from a society that seeks answers on the Why’s a person committed an evil act rather than the How’s that would help to prevent a person to commit one. We are becoming a culture of reactive people rather than a culture of proactive ones.

I can imagine the pain of losing loved ones whose lives were puffed out without sense. But I can also imagine the pain of our Lord as he receives the souls of those who died and the grief He had to endure for losing one to the darkside.

People may die because of choices others make and equally for choices other did not make. It was Cho Seung-Hui choice to kill and it was Society’s choice to ignore him.

Which leads me on a an email message I received today which is quite reflective about the tragedy that happened in Virgina Tech, not so much for the Cho Seung-Hui but for us, society as a whole…..read on.

The LIFEBOAT

Annie was a large, rather unattractive girl.
Actually, Annie was fat.
A member of a youth group, Annie regularly attended most of
the youth functions and Bible studies. During one of those meetings,
the youth leader introduced a situational learning game called, "The
Lifeboat." He instructed the dozen high school kids present to form
their chairs to resemble the seating on a lifeboat. Then he
said, "You twelve are the only survivors of a shipwreck. You have
managed to make it to this lifeboat.

Once you are aboard, however, you find to your horror that there are
only provisions for eleven. Also, the boat can hold only eleven
survivors.

Twelve people will capsize the boat, leaving you all to drown. You
must decide what to do." The group stared blankly at each other for a
few moments before bursting into lively discussion. They decided that
for the good of the majority of the members of the group, one
person must be sacrificed. But who?

As the group discussed who would be left to drown, they eliminated
various individuals perceived to be of value to the survivors. The
strongest and most athletic boys couldn't be sacrificed ¬ their
strength would be needed to row. Naturally, the boys wouldn't think
of letting any of the pretty girls become shark food. Slowly each
individual in the group, with the exception of Annie, was mentioned
and then discarded as a candidate for sacrifice. Some were too
smart, too talented, or too popular.

Finally, Annie, who may not have been attractive but who was
not dumb, blurted out, "I'll jump."

"No, no!" protested the group. But when pressed, they
couldn't think of one good reason why she shouldn't jump ¬ so they
remained silent. When the time to play the game ran out, the group
members announced that they couldn't reach a decision on what to
do. The youth worker went on to teach a lesson using the example of
the lifeboat. But Annie had already learned a lesson. The next day,
Annie jumped. Her youth group had affirmed her worst thought about
herself.

She was of no value. Her "friends" in the youth group were
baffled and deeply saddened by her suicide. After all, she had so
much to live for.

They just couldn't think of what it was.

We rarely look below the surface to see the worth of a person.
Instead, we too often equate a person's value with looks,
popularity, possessions, or abilities. If none of those things is
obvious, then we see no value at all in that individual. But every
human being was created in God's image and is loved by Him. In fact,
He loved us so much that He sent His only Son to sacrifice Himself
for us.

The Big Crunch

Prejudice and bigotry exists in various forms. My wife and I have been at the receiving end of it many times particularly when they find out that I have a bunch of children (six and another upcoming). The negative reactions (disdain, ridicule, jeer, tease, scoff, deride) are far more winning than the positive ones (amazed, pleased, glad, approving).

My wife would often blush and confess to me that sometimes she feels embarrass of other people's reaction after knowing that we have a large family. More often than not, I'd always tell her not to mind what other people say and comfort her that inspite of being a big family - we are actually a happy one at that.

I have nothing against small families. In fact, I sometimes envy them.

But what really spikes my gall is when people ridicule those who have more than six children like me telling us how difficult and miserable parents we are to have to raise this many children. Amusing to note is that I get this comments from people who can't even discipline their only child, works two jobs and pays support for his/her divorced partner. Go figure.
Give me names of a small family who is comfortable and happy and I will give you twice a name of a big family who are equally happy and successfull.

I, myself came from a big family (seven children) and looking back at those times and comparing it now that I have to raise eventually another seven personalities - I can honestly say that me and my wife have learned a lot from life around a big family dinner table than we could ever learn from the outside world.

I came to know and realize that....
- Children learned that what it means have to wait and share (8 people + 1 bathroom = learning to give/receive graciously)

- Children from large families learn to adapt, to deal with annoying 'co-workers', and to negotiate because the feedback is immediate and right to the point--without costing them their job. All are necessary skills for a successful adult life. Yes there are small families who learn these same skills, but it is easier in a small family to keep your bad habits. There's more space to 'go-away' and hide with fewer people to be accountable to.

- I also see - in general - parents more surrendered to being parents and less distracted by running after their own fulfillment. I actually believe that's as it should be. Part of good parenting demands self-sacrifice.

- I think it's really a matter of the parents' priorities than the number of children. In fact, I think most thoughtful parents will make more of an effort when there are more children.

- It's not in the quantity but in the quality. Kids are not expensive. Lifestyles are expensive.

- It is so comforting for a member of a large brood to come home from school and share the joys and the burdens of his/her to younger siblings who ran to greet him/her at the door--his own fan club if you will.

- We parents are often spread thinner than what we want, but we are more able and aware of what children are and what they need so that we can relate to them better.

- The more children we have the more love we have to give, the greater our capacity to love becomes.

- The cacophony of noise from six children is somehow offsetted by the boisterous laughter no comedy show could match.

Again, this piece is not about comparing small families to big families. You may agree or disagree but this is my blog, not yours.

This is a post about our joyous experience having a big family and a response to those who ridicule us, especially my wife for having such. As of this writing, my wife is on her 4th month of pregnancy to our seventh child. And I know that when that baby arrives five months from now there will be 12 arms outstretched, ready to feel the warm squirm of our new blessing. The baby will be kissed by his/her siblings, admired, talked-to, fussed over, adored.
What a lucky baby! I'd rather be born into a home bursting at the seams with love than sterile silence. What a privilege for my other children to see and know they were welcomed just as joyfully. They received the love, now they pass it on to one who is tender and small, fragile in comparison to themselves.

Which reminds me to buy two large-size family pizzas when I go home.....

LENTEN VIEW

As children, we Christians are programmed to “give up” something for Lent. No questions asked, that’s just what you do. Now, I can’t really complain about faithful Christians following tradition that has been in place for generations. But in this practice I can pinpoint the single greatest problem that plagues the common, impressionable man in all structures of belief:

Blind Faith. The practice of doing what you are told to, simply because you are told to.

“Giving up” chocolate or whatever for Lent just because Father Know-how told you to does not, in any way, take advantage of the intellect and free will with which all humans are blessed. It makes you a hamster running around in one of those big creaking wheels just because the man in the white coat promises cheese.

So what exactly do I accomplish by not drinking soda or not staring at my laptop until Lent is over? On the surface, almost nothing. And for the past year or so, I struggled to come up with some explanation to delve a little deeper. This is the best that I’ve done:

The practice of fasting and abstinence during the season of Lent are not a means of torture undertaken lightly or without purpose. The idea is to identify, in some small way, the suffering that Christ endured throughout His life. Be it the 40 days spent being tempted in the desert or His crucifixion or the ridicule and jeer he was subjected to for the duration of His ministry. The sacrifice is made in the name of Jesus, who gave up himself as the “ultimate sacrifice”.

Now that I’ve gotten my sermon out of the way, I’ll apply it to my own Lenten fasts of soda and computers. I seek to accomplish two things: 1) be brought closer to Jesus by feeling even a billionth of the turmoil He felt in His life, and 2) use that sacrifice as a way to view my own vices in an attempt to change my “evil” ways and better myself throughout the year.

In abstaining from soda, I am saving my body of empty calories and pounds of sugar, at the expense of the crisp, refreshing taste of a cold Coke. Because everyone enjoys a good Coke. And my computer, well, that’s a personal thing. I am an information freak and giving up my computer time is exactly the kind of humility I need to endure for Him. It is a simple exercise in will power and fighting temptation.

I hope my perspectives have in some way made you re-think what Lent is all about. If you were considering making a sacrifice, don’t just follow orders. Make it mean something to you, and no one else but God.

And lastly, I would like to share with you below what Lent means to a modern day person - like me...

If we were knives, Lent would be a time to sharpen our cutting edges.

If we were cars, Lent would be time for an oil change and a tune up.

If we were swimming pools, Lent would be time to filter the dirt out of the water.

If we were gardens, Lent would be time to fertilize our soil and dig out our weeds.

If we were carpets, Lent would be a time to get power-cleaned.

If we were VCRs Lent would be time to clean our head and adjust our tracking.

If were were computers, Lent would be time to overhaul our disk drive.

If we were highways, Lent would be time to repair our cracks and fill our chuckholes.

If we were TV sets, Lent would be time to adjust our focus and fine-tuning.

If we were batteries, Lent would be a time to get recharged.

If we were seeds, Lent would be a time germinate and reach for the sun.