As I was lying in a hospital bed beside my sick son, Joseph, I felt a sense of peace and solitude I haven't experienced for a long time. 18 hours ago, my near panicking wife and I bitterly argued whether to bring Joseph to the hospital or not. My wife adamantly wanted to bring him immediately and I, the stubborn mule, was against it arguing to wait for my son to let his rackety tack coughing subside at the same time trying to avoid the stress and burden of a hospital stay.
I finally relented to my wife's wish, after I silently prayed to God for help and discernment. As usual, my wife was right – my son had mild pneumonia with asthma complications and it was the right thing to do, as the doctors said, to have brought him to the emergency immediately.
I felt so ashamed of myself risking my son's health and life because of my stubborn attitude. I was not listening to God when Joy and I were praying over to him. In that brief moment of time, I succumbed to the temptation of the flesh and selfishness and did not rest my faith in Him. I failed the values I preached to others – I failed to let go and let God guide my decisions.
Now as I look at my son peacefully sleeping, I had to kneel down beside him and silently asked forgiveness to this beautiful boy of mine. I cried and after that I felt a sense of peace and comfort embracing me at that moment. God was touching me, reminding me not to worry and quitely admonishing me.
That moment gave me some thoughts and reflection on how we (as Christians) deal with stressful situations and difficulties we have in life. We tend to, first and foremost, rely on our human capacities to solve problems and resolve struggles and oppressions we run into each day. We forgot (unconsciously or consciously) to pray first and ask God for help.
Think about it, if our life is like a car, where would be God in this car of our lives?
Some of us would put God in the boot of our car. Where you will only pull him out during Sunday happy hour or religious event (like Christmas or Easter), display him, and afterwards stuff him back on the boot.
Some of us would put him in the backseat of our car – visible on our rear view mirror while we drive towards our destination. We make him only a passenger we can talk to, keeping us company so as not to bore the driving trip. A few those, put him in the front of the car, yet still a passenger.
Now many would argue that God is driving the car of their life. If that is so, the next question would be, where are you in that car? Some of us (like me, I guess), even though God is driving the car, are backseat drivers. We argue and squabble with Him on the route we choose to go. At a roundabout, God would try to turn right to the street of Forgiveness and we bicker with Him and tell Him to drive into the road to Hate and Selfishness. At the next traffic light, God would slow down to the lane of Humilty and we'd rather tell him to go straight ahead to the avenue of Pride.We always fail to let Him drive our car by His will on the best way he knows. We'd rather think, our route and our way is best for us. And still, because of our stubbornness, when we are lost along the way or encounter 'car accidents' in our life, we blame Him for his driving ways.
Come to think of it, we never let him lead us the way. When we started renewing ourselves with our Christian faith, we are just like the 'L' learner drivers – God the instructor is guiding, teaching, inculcating in us the right and the best to drive. And once we get our 'P's (sometimes equals to Pride), we forget about them displaying to the whole world our hard-earned driving skills.
What happened a few days back is a bitter lesson for me – that not to depend on me and always let God drive and guide my decisions – for he is and will always be…The Way, the Truth and the Life.
